The First To Fall
by Ashy
Summary: NEW CHAPTER: Sally is in big trouble with the police for Wufei's accident, Heero harbours a guilty conscience for a different reason, and Duo finds Shinigami isn't as strong as he thought....
1. *~Prologue~*

The First To Fall  
  
By Ashy.  
  
  
  
When a secret's destroying you...where do you turn to? What happens when it all turns nasty - when you're blamed for something you didn't do, but neither are you innocent? Please R&R...  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing AT ALL.  
  
  
  
*~Prologue~*  
  
  
  
"Get out! You heard me! I said get out!"  
  
The Chinese youth could see his colleague was furious. Along with being subjected to sweltering heat, her cheeks were a flaming crimson and her usually gentle eyes were smouldering.  
  
"Sally, I just -"  
  
The elder of the pair - the woman - folded her arms, her shoulders hunched, turning her face away from the onyx eyes which studied it intensively.  
  
"You remember what we agreed, last time, don't you? Was it that long ago?" her voice was low and severe.  
  
"A month," he replied coldly.  
  
He watched her sullenly, noting how she set her jaw stubbornly and refused to meet his gaze. After a moment or so, his face softened a little and he reached towards where her arm rested on the steering wheel, in some sort of gesture of reconciliation.  
  
"Wufei," she answered, pushing away his hand, almost pleading with him now. "You promised you wouldn't, you promised. And I promised too. But look, this always happens whenever -"  
  
"Why do you think that is?" he said, cutting her off.  
  
The woman shook her head. "I don't want to think about it. I don't even have to think about it. Now please leave me alone, just leave me alone okay?"  
  
"You're making out it's all my fault!" he snarled. "I...I hate you Sally Po."  
  
"Hate me then," she replied bitterly, defiantly. "But I know this cannot continue. And you know it too. You know it. Now get out! NOW!"  
  
Wufei scowled, yet obediently descended from the jeep. He lingered a while before shutting the door. He glared up at his partner aiming to appear unaffected, though behind his expression, he half-hoped she would relent.  
  
"You just gonna leave me here then, Woman? In the middle of nowhere? What am I supposed to do now? Huh?"  
  
Sally whipped her head around to face him, and he saw her debate with herself for a split second. " If you're as wise as you think you are, then you'll be fine. I never wanted to be cruel to you, but I'm...I'm just... at the end of my tether with this.."  
  
"You can't do that!" he shouted at her, his voice high pitched and angry, emphasised by the stillness of the terrain. " You can't just abandon me here alone!"  
  
"'Alone' never bothered you before..." Sally answered. "And if you're so grown up as you say you are, then you'll take care of yourself no problem."  
  
Without another word, she reached over and slammed the door shut. Wufei was stunned at her ruthlessness. He saw her bent over, biting her bottom lip, her eyes tightly shut.  
  
With one last painful glance, he turned and stalked up the desolate dust track back the way they'd come. They had been together in the jeep. Now he was alone, a solitary figure in a desolate place. Maybe a couple of years ago - a year ago - this would have suited him well. Now he hated it. Hated it so much it made his eyes sting and his throat ache.  
  
Inside the jeep, Sally frantically tried to get it to work so she could drive away before she allowed herself to deliberate over whether she should call him back.  
  
"Oh, come on!" she cursed at the immobile vehicle. She knew in her heart she wanted to reverse. She knew she could not just desert him, she'd have to handle him and that meant handling herself.  
  
"What is wrong, you useless piece of junk?" she shouted, whilst straightening her clothing. "When I've piloted mobile suits, I don't expect grief from a mere jeep!"  
  
The vehicle jolted backwards suddenly. Sally tried to gain control, to steady it, but something was wrong. She was sure of it. She found the jeep lurched backwards alarmingly, despite her efforts to slow it as it gained speed.  
  
Wufei turned on hearing the motor . She was coming back for him? Weakling. It was to be expected from a woman. It took a few more moments for him to really register what was going on, that the thing was actually careering out of control. He tried to move but he hadn't a split-second to dodge the fast moving object.  
  
The bulk of the jeep hit its obstruction with a clear thump and only by the grace of God, happened to stall again. The woman inside flung open the door, her face white and stricken. Sally Po dashed round the back of the vehicle and gasped at the sight of her Preventer partner lying still, face- down like a broken doll. Part of his jacket was caught under one of the back wheels, though it was impossible to see what else was amiss.  
  
Alarm bells screeched inside her head, forcing her into doctor mode but somehow it just wasn't enough. He was breathing at least, she found as she knelt down beside him. "Wufei...can you hear me at all?" she gasped whilst assessing him.  
  
There was no response, he was unconscious. Must have banged his head on falling. Blood. He'd cut his head, she could see it on her fingers as she reached to touch his hair. She knew she shouldn't try to move him, he may have neck injuries. Sally was so churned inside that she just found it impossible to function properly. She was responsible for this.  
  
"Oh God, oh God forgive me!" she cried. "What have I done to him?"  
  
With trembling fingers, she reached into her jacket pocket and retrieved a small cell phone. She tried to punch in the emergency number but the phone slipped from her grip and fell by her knees with a thud. The heat prickled her back and her face, making her head ache intensely.  
  
"Wufei..." she sobbed, and her stomach knotted sickeningly. "I...I'm so...so sorry."  
  
Having uttered these words, the woman turned and vomited into the dust. She was overcome with shock, mingled in with slight sun-stroke. Her body felt so flimsy. This was her fault. All her fault. If she hadn't asked him to get out...if...she'd been more in control, over the jeep, over everything.... No, she could never forget this. Never. Never. 


	2. *~Chapter 1~*

The First To Fall  
  
  
  
*~Chapter 1~*  
  
  
  
"Okay, okay, I'll send someone over there right away," Lady Une barked down the phone. Slamming down the receiver, she turned her hazel eyes upon the the newlyweds who were standing in her office a few feet away.  
  
"What's wrong?" Lucrezia Noin-Peacecraft inquired, her heart sinking at the prospect of another oppression after many months of harmonious existence.  
  
The other woman ran a hand through her chestnut mane, an action that usually accompanied her apprehension. "I'm not sure exactly what happened..."  
  
Zechs raised an eyebrow.  
  
"... but what I have just been told is that Preventer Chang is in serious trouble," Lady Une struggled on, "...he's had some kind of accident...he's...unconscious right now."  
  
" A coma?" Noin said slowly, the words registering.  
  
" Not...exactly...," Une replied, though in no way convincing.  
  
"I know what that means! I'm not stupid," Noin retorted. Zechs, who was renowned for keeping his composure in the face of dilemmas, placed a hand over his wife's shoulders and squeezed them firmly.  
  
"That's dire. Was it Sally Po who called you?" he asked in a low, gruff voice.  
  
"No, some person from the island hospital," Une answered, resisting the urge to glare at Noin. "Sally is...the guy didn't say where. She's probably around, I would guess."  
  
There was a tense silence for a moment, then Noin spoke up; "You want Zechs and I to go out to them?"  
  
Une nodded. "Ideally, I would have sent the former Gundam pilots seeing as they are the closest connection to Wufei. Only not one of them is present at this time, I shall have to contact them and cut short their Preventer assignments. I feel they would be concerned for their comrade."  
  
"Yes," Zechs agreed. "This may take considerable time though, abandoning a mission isn't an overnight task. Of course Lucrezia and I will fly out and assess the situation before the four of them arrive."  
  
"But I just can't understand what could have gone wrong," Noin wondered aloud. "Sally and Wufei were only there patrolling the areas which we Preventers have agreed to survey once in a while. It wasn't even a proper mission."  
  
Une had to agree. "Yes, but accidents can happen anywhere."  
  
Zechs glanced over at the computer which displayed the area where each of the Preventer agents were located at that point. Reaching for the mouse, he clicked onto the place on the map which high-lighted where to two Preventers in question were posted.  
  
"Quite a remote place, really - on the Mediterranean," he stated the obvious. "And it's strange how neither of them contacted at the first sign of the enemy. Wufei is slightly young and inexperienced as a Preventer but I expect you will agree that Sally would have had more sense than to keep quiet..."  
  
Noin nodded, then her eyes met his, now a flawless shade of ice blue. " What are you saying, Zechs?"  
  
"What I'm saying is, I don't think an enemy party was involved."  
  
Lady Une shifted her weight onto each foot. " Well like I said, accidents can happen anywhere," she replied. Noin frowned at her husband. His face appeared to be set in stone.  
  
Zechs shook his head; "No, Une, that's not what I meant either."  
  
"What did you mean, Preventer Wind?" Lady Une inquired, her expression reflecting that of Noin.  
  
Zechs was silent. "I shouldn't have spoken. Come, we must go out to them at once."  
  
  
  
**************  
  
Striding along the white-walled corridors, Zechs and Noin sought out the room in which Wufei was. Their footwear made a harsh clatter on the hard, shining floor. They had gained quick easy access to the island - as they belonged to the Preventer organisation, they had avoided civilian procedures. Neither had taken any time to admire the beautiful surrounds the island placed them in. The sun at noon left them hot and lethargic, and the glittering expanse of seawater hadn't an ounce of appeal at this present moment.  
  
"This place isn't very big," Zechs observed. "Quite simplistic, really. The receptionist told us the intensive care unit was on the third floor, corridor two, huh?"  
  
Noin didn't answer. She felt so numb, half out of pity for the poor boy who despite their misgivings, was still a part of her daily life. The other half of her anxiety was for Sally, whose current state had not been mentioned. She gripped Zechs' hand, feeling rather like a young child needing guidance.  
  
"This is corridor two," Zechs continued, his face remaining impassive, his eyes showing no apparent concern. But Noin was aware of his masks.  
  
There they found her, Sally Po, staring at the inanimate figure of her young partner through the thin window of glass. The machinery inside the room beeped every so often, and Noin noticed the woman cringe each time it did so.  
  
"Sally," she called softly, pacing over, her fingers uncurling themselves from Zechs'.  
  
Sally removed her palms from where they were pressed against the cold glass. Noin noted the prints they made. Sally's hands were larger than hers.  
  
"Are you all right, what's going on?" the dark-haired woman inquired anxiously.  
  
Zechs sighed. Sally didn't look in any fit state to give an explanation; her hair was hanging limply by her shoulders, becoming untwisted in places, and the damp redness around her eyes and the areas of smeared make-up clarified that she had been crying. Her skin was pale, unusual in such a climate, displaying dark circles, her shirt buttoned up all wrong.  
  
"You haven't slept much, have you?" he asked grimly.  
  
Sally shook her head. It didn't appear that she'd even left the hospital, as perched on the chair nearby, was a pillow which some nurse had obviously given to her to make the night more comfortable. Noin and Zechs stood a little awkwardly for a few moment. Noin was unsure in what way to comfort her companion. At this present moment, perhaps she would just rather be alone.  
  
Lucrezia moved to the window and glanced at the bed in which Wufei lay. He looked so small and vulnerable, despite being physically strong. The boy's raven hair was loose and wires sprouted from him at every angle. He looked dead. And looking into the dull blue of her eyes, so did Sally.  
  
A tanned doctor of mid-height emerged in the corridor at that moment and was quickly collared by Zechs.  
  
"You're asking about Mr Chang, sir?" he said, the words carrying a strong accent. Zechs nodded. It was impossible not to feel slightly intimidated by someone carrying themselves the way the tall, flaxen-haired man did. The doctor didn't even attempt to brush him off.  
  
"He's currently unconscious and there is no way of telling for how long this will last," the middle-aged doctor replied. "He has a broken shoulder, a sprained wrist and severe concussion. We have calculated he must have struck his head in the fall -"  
  
"The fall you speak of. How did it happen?" Zechs growled. "That is what I'm asking. We are all quite aware of this boy's situation."  
  
"We were called out from a remote road by this woman here," he answered hastily, gesturing to Sally who turned away. "The youth was injured and was not conscious..."  
  
"But WHAT happened?" Zechs repeated, his tone becoming more agitated by the second. "Was there any sign of an attack?"  
  
"No, not a soul in the area but the boy and his partner. Just them and a jeep. He... was... run over."  
  
Noin's eyes widened swivelled to Sally. The young tawny-haired woman hung her head, struggling to frame her words. Her whole body was shaking and it was obvious she was holding back tears.  
  
"Sally...no. Sally...no you didn't -"  
  
The doctor, at this point, turned on his heel and strode away, not wishing to deal with the situation further. Zechs and Noin turned the attention to Preventer Water.  
  
"Yes...I...I did it!" Sally shrieked. "I knocked him down! It's...it's all my fault." After uttering these words, she tore away in the opposite direction of the doctor. Her boots made a dramatic clamour in the otherwise empty hallway.  
  
Zechs inhaled deeply, taking hold of Noin's arm to prevent her from pursuing her friend. He gently manoeuvred her round, until they were both peering at Wufei's motionless form.  
  
"Zechs....Sally couldn't have done it , there must be some mistake...an accident," Lucrezia declared, sounding increasingly distressed. "She cared about that boy, she did! I know it. And I know her!"  
  
Zechs sighed. "No matter how well you think you know a person, you can never truly know what's in their heart."  
  
"What makes you say that, Zechs?"  
  
He didn't answer her. He simply stared ahead, frowning slightly as if brooding over some new thought that had entered his mind.  
  
Noin shook her head exhaustedly and took his arm. "Come with me, I need a drink."  
  
**************  
  
The hotel room was silent. Dark. Private. Noin and Zechs were next door and Sally was completely alone. She sank down upon the generously sized bed, wishing she could sleep, blot out everything that had happened. She hadn't slept for more than an hour she calculated, since it happened. She'd been keeping vigil at Wufei's bedside, praying for him. She had wanted so badly for him to wake but at the same time, hated him. Hated him for what he made her feel.  
  
Noin had wanted her to rest here, still unbelieving of what Sally had revealed to the two of them. Still coddling her and telling her everything would be all right. But Sally knew the cold, hard truth.  
  
She moved towards the basin and glared at herself in the mirror. The moonlight showed her the reflection - a drawn, haggard woman with blood- shot eyes and pallid skin. The cold water did not rinse away this image. The woman in the mirror started to undress herself, crying behind her eyes whilst she did so, pulling on her loaned night dress and bathrobe. She kicked her dirty clothes somewhere across the dark floor. She couldn't see where.  
  
Sinking down again onto the vanity table, Sally buried her head in her arms and found with alarm that she could no longer produce tears. Her eyes were so sore, and she lacked the strength to relay yesterday's events to herself just one more time.  
  
How should she release her anxiety if she could not even weep? Glancing up, she saw the item of her deliverance just inches away resting on the basin. The thought caused her heart to flood with guilt. As a former doctor, she knew people should not do such a thing to themselves. But ignoring the logical, collected Sally in her head, she snatched at the plastic razor and swept it purposely across her left wrist.  
  
Dumping the blade in the sink, Sally flicked on a small light and watched the blood trickle from the wound and fall steadily onto the carpet, a few droplets staining her bare toes.  
  
"Sal? You asleep?"  
  
It was Noin. The door creaked open and Sally Po found herself exposed in all her misery to her companion.  
  
"You...what are you doing?" Lucrezia demanded, striding towards her.  
  
"Nothing," Sally mumbled.  
  
Noin grasped her wrist. "Cutting yourself. I don't call that nothing," she exclaimed.  
  
Sally wrenched her arm away. "I needed to release some tension," she explained casually, as if this was completely normal. Something a doctor would approve of.  
  
"Sally, self-harm is not the way," Noin persisted, taking a small bandage from the cabinet and following her friend to the bed.  
  
"You know that. You're sensible."  
  
"I'll do it," Sally demanded, taking the bandage and wrapping it one around her wrist. Then, she climbed into the middle of the bed and lay down, not facing Noin. It was her cue to go. But Lucrezia showed no signs of leaving.  
  
"Aren't you going back to Zechs? I'm fine, I don't need watching over, you know," Sally said into the darkness.  
  
"Whilst you're in such a mess, I think you do," Noin answered firmly. "Now move over. I'm sleeping here tonight."  
  
"People might get the wrong idea..."  
  
"Quite frankly, I don't care."  
  
Sally reluctantly shifted over a little to make room for her friend. Noin placed her head on the pillow and tugged the quilt under chin. "Try to sleep, Sal, it'll do you good. Wufei...he'll....he's in good hands."  
  
The other woman just glared into the face of her companion, her eyes glistening.  
  
"Oh Noin," she whispered faintly, her voice cracking. "This...is all my fault... I did it."  
  
"It isn't your fault Sally, I promise," Noin replied stroking her friend's wet cheek.  
  
"How do you know? Were you there?" Sally replied, pushing Noin's hand away. "Don't touch me."  
  
"I'm sorry," whispered Noin. "Please, Sal, tell me the truth about what happened out there. Then I can understand you."  
  
Sally was murmuring into the pillow; "I can't, I'm not sure myself...I don't understand him...."  
  
"What are you talking about...about Wufei?"  
  
"There's just too many barriers, too many," Sally sighed as if uttering these words to herself more than anyone. " He's blinded by his youth...."  
  
"I'm not following you," Noin replied softly, reaching to remove a strand of hair from Sally's eyes. "What do you mean? Please don't cry...just talk to me."  
  
Sally groaned inwardly, aware of how pitifully feeble she appeared. Right now she didn't feel the strength to be her steadfast self. She just had to cry, to blurt things out to feel better.  
  
"We...were in the jeep...just driving though some country... to...to get some food from a nearby town," the blonde woman spoke up, choking on her words. "I was just talking to him...we were just talking as usual....everything was ordinary...then...then...  
  
Noin willed herself to be silent and just to listen.  
  
"And then...something happened to the vehicle...it stalled and wouldn't restart. I was trying so hard to make it start...nothing worked...."  
  
Sally bit her lip, the recollection painful for her. What came next was difficult to share in all it's extent with a friend.  
  
"We...we were like that for a good half an hour, just stranded in the middle of nowhere. I ....I can't tell you this....."  
  
"You can," Noin pressed. " You need to tell me."  
  
Sally closed her eyes tightly, forcing herself to continue. But the feeling of him beside her, that prickling heat, only hindered her speech - his eyes probing into the depths of her soul. Wanting things from her, wanting answers, snatching at the emotions she held only to herself.  
  
"Then he just....well, both of us really...." Sally's voice faltered and she pressed her nose into the soft pillow, now only inches from her friend's dark hair.  
  
"What did he do? What did you do?" Noin whispered. "To get you like this?"  
  
"Nothing...I mean....nothing...we didn't do anything...not what you're probably thinking."  
  
"I don't know what I'm thinking, Sally."  
  
"He just...we just....argued, that's all. Argued. That's it. Then I asked him to get out and minutes later, I reversed the jeep into him. End of story."  
  
"I don't believe you, Sally," Noin insisted.  
  
"I can't care right now, I just want to sleep," the other woman whispered hoarsely. "Forget it. I can take care of myself, you know. I can handle a...kid."  
  
Noin sighed, knowing she should not pursue the subject any further. "Okay, if you want we'll visit Wufei tomorrow..."  
  
Sally didn't answer. She simply turned over, giving the appearance of being asleep. Noin wasn't satisfied that she was okay at all, and could not risk Sally slipping out of bed to torture herself again. She eyed with resentment the glow of the white bandage poking out from under the covers.  
  
"You...you won't get out of bed and use that razor will you?" she murmured. "Sally? Do you hear me?"  
  
Sally smeared a few tears from her cheeks, hoping Noin didn't judge her on how pathetic she was being. Or so she thought. She hated sympathy in any form. Sally wanted to be strong and collected, not some whimpering wreck.  
  
"Hn," she mumbled. "Don't fuss over me, Noin. I can do whatever I feel is best. You can't stop me."  
  
"I can." Noin clamped her hand around Sally's wrist, though not enough pressure to hurt her.  
  
"Look, I'm not going to ask you for any details but I know there is something that has happened between you and Wufei and all that I ask is that you stop being so harsh on yourself."  
  
Sally nodded, knowing Noin meant well but could never understand how she was really feeling. The guilt, that twisted sickness she felt in the pit of her stomach. Nevertheless, here was a friend who was willing to stick with her despite her ignorance of the situation, and that meant a lot.  
  
"Thank you, Noin."  
  
"For what?"  
  
"For being a friend."  
  
The Italian woman smiled into the darkness. "Hey, we don't have family, if we don't have a friend who have we got?"  
  
"You've got a husband."  
  
"Yeah, but Zechs, he's one on his own, you know. He loves me, but he can be so confusing at times. Sometimes, it's good just to have a girl friend to look out for you. Men often are so difficult to understand. Especially Zechs."  
  
Sally didn't want think about what men were really like. It made her feel so hollow when Noin talked about Zechs. Because the person she cared for, she was sure of, she could never have, and the prospect was slipping from her grasp by the day.  
  
"Noin, how do you tell if you love someone?" Sally whispered.  
  
But her companion didn't answer. Under some notion that Sally was now her stable self, she had drifted off to sleep, cuddled up to her warmth and it struck Sally just how everyone seemed to view her as a kind of mother figure, and how when her profound strength crumbled, no-one seemed to truly believe it.  
  
TBC 


	3. *~Chapter 2~*

The First To Fall  
  
  
  
*~Chapter 2~*  
  
  
  
Sally wandered into the hospital alone the following morning. Noin had suggested she go with her but Sally had declined the offer. Zechs spent the bulk of his time relaying details to Lady Une, who was pursuing contact with the other Gundam pilots. He was using his cell phone when Sally had left the hotel.  
  
A foreign nurse took her to Wufei's room and permitted her inside for a moment or two.  
  
"Wufei..." Sally whispered, perching herself on the chair at his bedside. It was all she could say. The woman didn't even feel worthy to be sat beside him at all, being responsible for the whole issue.  
  
Sally had decided she was not going to cry. She had to be strong for him if she could do nothing else. Slowly, her eyes strayed over his still body, watching how his chest rose and fell methodically, her gaze wandering up his arm, remembering the strength of his hands and fingers. He looked almost peaceful lying there, quiet, save for the beep of his monitor. Wufei was no different to how he had been yesterday, sleeping, oblivious to the isolating misery his partner was experiencing.  
  
She observed his face, his eyelids weren't even partially open, as was the case, Sally knew, with some patients. His lips were relaxed and she looked up with a sting of unhappiness at the long dark lashes, remembering with clarity the beautiful intenseness of the eyes beneath.  
  
Cautiously, regretfully, she rose from her seat and bent over him, brushing a hand lightly over his forehead, turning her gaze toward the heart monitor beside his bed. The boy's heart was beating strongly, Sally could see. It sparked a little hope inside her but nevertheless, the ache within her, that swelling sensation beneath her ribs could not be quelled so easily.  
  
She tried to take a hold on herself, explain silently to her own mind that she had been quite within her right to deal with Wufei in such a way, and that these feelings she harboured, whatever they were, were not condonable.  
  
"Ms Po, you must leave the patient alone now," the nurse explained, entering the room. Sally saw she was a plain, frail looking woman, someone Wufei would have probably deemed a weakling. But it wasn't her appearance which made Sally dislike her, it was the woman's manner, her lack of sensitivity, as if it didn't seem to register with her how much Sally must be hurting.  
  
"Very well," she answered, choosing not to argue. Sally tried to not to look back at her partner, refusing to acknowledge the burning sensation behind her eyelids. The next day, she didn't bring herself to visit. She didn't want to look at him again. Not when she couldn't talk to him, or touch him. All she could do was hate herself for guiding him from strength to strength as he grew, yet never guessing she would become his weakness.  
  
**********  
  
Heero Yuy handed his backpack to his partner and splayed the map he was holding out against the side of a wall.  
  
" This is the place?" Duo Maxwell inquired. " Right, Heero?"  
  
" Hmm."  
  
Duo slouched against the wall, resenting the weight of the second bag. One was enough, he decided. They'd packed enough to stay on the island for at least a fortnight, to reunite themselves with Wufei and stay nearby until he awoke. It had been a week since Lady Une had first tried to contact them, and it was only now that the four former Gundam pilots had managed to reach their destination.  
  
Trowa and Quatre followed shortly, having just landed their own aircraft on a desolate stretch of arable land, not far from the town where Zechs, Noin and Sally were now staying in a donated villa. Local civilians were always willing to support the needs of those working continually to retain peace in the nation. This new arrangement had proven more convenient and cheaper than paying hotel fees.  
  
"I saw the hospital as we flew over here," Trowa remarked. "Aren't we going to visit there first? Get a better grasp on Wufei's situation?"  
  
Heero shook his head gravely, folding the map again and lodging it in his pocket. The four were clad in casual clothes, with only their Preventer jackets to single them out from regular tourists. "No, we'll unload this luggage then we'll suss it out."  
  
The others didn't object. Duo simply tossed the bag back to his Japanese comrade.  
  
"Une told us Wufei was in a coma," Quatre murmured, his aqua eyes fixed on his feet. The blond pilot appeared to be the most anxious of the four.  
  
"She said he was with Sally and it was in an accident with their jeep - you think Sally Po did it on purpose, huh?" the American piped up, swishing his braid.  
  
"Don't be an idiot, Duo, of course not," Trowa answered calmly.  
  
"Well all I can say is I don't blame her if that was the case - who'd put up with Wu for longer than she has....?" Duo joked.  
  
His smile immediately crumbled when met with Heero's sour glare and Trowa's stern frown. They hadn't found his comment amusing. Quatre, whilst he did not look pleased with what Duo had said, remained less severe, as he knew his friend was just as anxious as they were. He was simply trying to make something light-hearted of the situation. That was Duo's way.  
  
**********  
  
Once inside the small, white-washed villa, the four were greeted rather awkwardly by Zechs and Noin. The two were wearing their Preventer uniforms and appeared drawn and unkempt. The whole place seemed sparse and humbly furnished.  
  
"How was your flight over?" Lucrezia asked wearily. "Did Une tell you everything?"  
  
"As much as she knew," Heero responded. "We'd like to see Wufei for ourselves, though."  
  
"Now isn't appropriate," Zechs stated harshly. "We went to see him this morning and it irritates the doctors with people hovering in and out."  
  
"We have a right to see our pal," Duo insisted.  
  
"Now boys, I suppose you're hungry," Noin interjected. "I fixed us some soup. Just plain tomato. It's all there is worth eating, I don't like the traditional seafood round here."  
  
Usually it would be Sally's job to observe such issues, but Noin knew she would have to take on the maternal role seeing as Sally did not seem in any way interested in the situation at all. She was sitting in one of the armchairs, like a statue, her blue eyes cold and vacant. She wasn't even dressed, just clad in an off-white bathrobe, her feet bare and her hair dull and loose. It needed washing but the woman had not the will even to step into the shower, not with Noin shadowing her every move to make sure no razor blades were present. The four youths weren't sure where to divert their gaze. It seemed so strange seeing Sally Po behaving like this. The villa was quiet for some time, an eerie atmosphere settling over the place.  
  
In less than fifteen minutes, the four youths, Noin and Zechs were seated awkwardly around the small table, dining in silence. Not even Duo hard a word to say between tense mouthfuls. Not one of them hardly cared what they were lifting to their lips. It may as well have been poison, and the warmth of the flavoured liquid did not surfice the emptiness in their stomachs. The voids in the pit of their beings could not be satisfied with any form of cuisine.  
  
"Sally," Noin called anxiously. "How about a bite to eat now? You haven't had anything since that slither of toast this morning. It can't be good for you."  
  
Sally was aware of the looks the four newcomers were giving her. She hadn't looked directly into their faces, but she could tell from their movements out of the corner of her eyes they were each apprehensive. They probably blamed her. It felt to the woman as if four pairs of eyes were boring into her soul, questioning how she could have let such a fate befall their companion.  
  
Now it wasn't just her own burden she must suffer, she had to take on the burden of the four young men whom Wufei had been closest to. They had become much more well acquainted during their time as Preventers and Sally had discovered just how much these teens really valued each other, despite their numerous flaws. They'd almost become family, a unique brotherhood. Unable to contain her shame and misery any longer, she stood up from her seat and walked briskly towards the inviting open door of the bedrooms.  
  
Zechs and the others lowered their gaze to their meals, feeling it was the safest place to look. Noin tried to make something of the situation.  
  
"Your food - ," she began.  
  
Sally slammed the door. The six remaining in the kitchen anticipated the sound of sobbing. Nothing. Not even a whimper. Things certainly appeared grim and right now they could only rest in the hope Wufei might recuperate, as without Sally's sanity, they would have no source of strength to draw upon.  
  
TBC 


	4. *~Chapter 3~*

The First To Fall  
  
*~Chapter 3~*  
  
Author's notes: Here's another chapter folks, hope it's okay....I'm going to be focusing quite a bit on the other characters as well as Sally & Wu, but they're the main backbone of the story. The plot's quite complicated and I haven't quite sussed it all out yet but beware of twists and turns. Hopefully, I'll make it as clear as I can. This is gonna be quite a long fic so bear with me....  
  
*********************  
  
"Look, Noin, we have to go back to the main headquarters tomorrow," Zechs reminded her two days later. "Une wants us on to assist with the administration work. And what about that recruiting schedule we volunteered to oversee?"  
  
"I know but I'm not sure Sally will be okay if left here..." Noin replied hesitantly. "I know she said she wanted to stay when we told her, but..."  
  
"She'll be strong," Zechs replied. "You know all this fuss and concern is getting to her. It's best if she stays here with the pilots. I have every confidence they'll take care of her, though she's capable of taking care of herself, you know that Noin. She said it was okay if we went anyway, so there's nothing to fret about."  
  
Lucrezia nodded, half convinced.  
  
***  
  
"We're here to see Wufei Chang," Duo Maxwell declared to the receptionist in the hospital. The other three youths shadowed him, each in their Preventer attire.  
  
The woman on the reception pushed a lock of wiry black hair from her eyes and repositioned her spectacles. "Oh...Wufei...yes...you boys from Preventers...right?"  
  
Duo sighed a little too loud. The woman was obviously not fluent in English. He flashed his ID card. "Yup, we came to visit here yesterday too. Wufei is in the intensive care unit. Is it okay if we go on up?"  
  
The woman, satisfied they weren't trouble causers, and well aware she should comply to the requests of a Preventer agent, hurriedly searched the files on the hospital database. She stopped when she came across Wufei's name.  
  
"Ah...he been moved. It is not serious, doctors say. Just unconscious. They think he will wake soon."  
  
"That's a relief!" Duo gasped. "I knew Wufei wouldn't be a quitter."  
  
"Where shall we find him?" Trowa asked, stepping forward, whilst Duo fiddled with one of the exotic trees on display. Heero and Quatre remained silent, though there was a spark of relief in Quatre's aqua eyes. Heero looked sullen, somehow, as if he hadn't been listening to any of the dialogue.  
  
"Second floor, first corridor...third room on your left," the receptionist said in answer to Trowa's question.  
  
"He isn't in a ward?" Quatre spoke up.  
  
"No..no...it's been quiet here recently. He got a private room. Just until he wakes."  
  
"Thank you," Trowa replied. "We'll use the elevator."  
  
The telephone began to sound, and the receptionist promptly busied herself answering the call, while the four Preventers in the reception made their way through to one of the elevators.  
  
***  
  
A few nurses and patients passing focused their stares on the young men marching up one of the hospital corridors. Preventer agents in the area weren't an every day occurrence and a few wondered whether there might be some dilemma aside from that of usual visitors. Many hadn't recalled their previous visits to Wufei's bedside as up until now, he'd been in the intensive care unit.  
  
"We're just here to visit a friend," Quatre assured anyone who stared long enough to warrant an explanation. "There's no need to worry..."  
  
"Look, I'm positive I know the right room!" Duo argued, adamant he was correct. "The lady said second floor_first corridor_FOURTH_room_on_the_RIGHT!"  
  
"No, Duo," Quatre replied calmly. "You were too busy admiring the potted plants. She said third room on the left. " He turned towards Heero and Trowa, "Didn't she?"  
  
"Hn," Heero responded. "Whatever. Just find it okay? Why does everyone always look to me for the answers?"  
  
Trowa's brow furrowed for a second, on seeing the clenched jaw of his Japanese comrade. "Are you all right, Heero?" he asked discreetly. "You seem distracted - "  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
In the space of a few minutes, Quatre and Trowa's word against Duo's meant they tried the correct door. The four took in deep breaths as they entered the room in which their Chinese friend was laying under the white hospital sheets. He was still attached to a monitor and an IV drip, but somehow his sleeping face radiated more life than it had done even yesterday.  
  
Duo perched on the edge of the bed and gazed affectionately at Wufei. "Man, he won't know what's hit him when he wakes up to this smell. Hospitals stink, right?"  
  
He chuckled and Quatre managed a smile. "It's great the doctors think he'll pull through. He looks better already to me."  
  
"Yeah, very soon he'll be his own ranting and raving self," Duo snickered. "And we'll be like...ooh, Wu's back!"  
  
Heero rolled his eyes and turned his head away from where the other three were bent over Wufei's resting form. Somehow he just couldn't share in the others' release. It wasn't that he didn't care - he cared deeply for his friend and wanted nothing more than for him to make a full recovery. But he had his own reasons for feeling alienated.  
  
Quatre reached to touch Wufei's arm, but Trowa stopped him. "Don't, he's broken his shoulder, the nurse told us yesterday. She said it would probably take about six weeks to heal, but the X-rays showed no operation was necessary. Should heal itself if left alone."  
  
"I remember," recalled Quatre. "How could I forget? He looks a sight in that 'collar and cuff' sling he has on there. Poor Wufei. And his sprained wrist, too. He's really in the wars..."  
  
"Yeah, Sally's really taken it bad," Duo mused. "But I know she's gonna improve when she finds out Wufei's on the mend. But let's not jump the gun." He glanced over at Heero, "Pardon the pun."  
  
Heero didn't smile. He stared at Wufei's face achingly, wanting to talk to him yet knowing he'd never have the nerve to voice his thoughts. Not this time. Since the time of Zechs and Noin's wedding a month ago, he and Wufei had become a little closer as companions, beginning to open up to each other, sharing the feelings they kept closely within themselves. About war....about love....  
  
"Hey, you guys, I know he can be a pain sometimes, but I'd really miss Wu if he were never around," Quatre spoke up, cutting through Heero's train of thought. "I think we've come so far since the Eve Wars, it's like we're starting to be human again. It's like we've never known what a Gundam even is..."  
  
"Yeah, going to school helped a little," Duo added. "Socialising. All those girls..."  
  
He grinned inwardly, remembering. At age eighteen, the five of them had worked a few terms in the year as Preventers, and the rest of the time, they'd attended college to help them integrate with other teenagers who hadn't shared their remarkably dark experiences. It had been Lady Une's generous idea.  
  
Duo had taken to school like a duck to water - not to the lessons - but to the social side of things. Rolling into his dormitory blind drunk at two o' clock in the morning, with Harry and Eric from his homeroom. Detentions never deterred the gregarious American. He'd even had the nerve to pretend his old house mate Hilde was his sister when questioned as to why she sent him e-mails. Of course, this would add Duo's popularity with his growing female fan club if they saw him as available.  
  
Trowa and Quatre, making the most of their time in education, had joined the college musicians club, who were astounded at their musical abilities, especially Quatre's skills as a violinist. The two had been asked on numerous occasions by the music department to perform on the stage during school productions. Trowa disliked the spotlight, yet he'd forced himself to come out of his shell a little for Quatre's sake. Quatre loved to bless others with his music.  
  
Duo, who wasn't too happy at not being the centre of attention, had also joined the band, claiming to be a professional with a trombone. Only after a few days his talent - or lack of it - resulted in his immediate expulsion from the club.  
  
Heero and Wufei's short time at the school had been considerably different. It was only since he'd later gotten talking to Wufei, that Heero had properly understood why. Whilst Duo, Quatre and occasionally Trowa had attempted to socialise, Wufei preferred to stay brooding his dorm, or burying himself in his college assignments.  
  
It wasn't that he didn't appreciate girls, it was just he'd later admitted to Heero that he found girls his age so insipid, and completely lacking in their ability to see past his exterior and really understand him. And after all, he'd said, only a weak person relied on love anyway. Heero had understood perfectly. He felt a similar way about women. It would take more than the average person in college to ever reach his scarred heart. He might have seemed like a student then, but sometimes he wondered if the core of him would always be a soldier. It made him reflect on the times he'd caught glimpses of Relena on the news in the school common room. Had he really watched the screen longer than necessary, perhaps?  
  
Those times seemed a whole world away now. The five of them, now nineteen, had finished their short period in education and were back to being regular Preventer agents, except for when they were given leave to visit friends or family. This suited Heero better; missions gave him more of a purpose. And he didn't want to let himself think of Relena. Never again. For her sake.  
  
Heero's rueful gaze fell onto Wufei again. Quatre was smoothing some of the creases out of the sheets, always the perfectionist. The Japanese Preventer could see real care in the blonde's expression. Duo seemed chirpy and Trowa appeared to be content. Just the five of them together in one room seemed right. The way things should be. But Heero tore his eyes away from the scene, knowing it could never be right. They could never be those five young boys united in their experiences and friendship. They were adults now, capable of more damage than ever before. Emotional damage. And as far as Heero Yuy was concerned...he shouldn't be there.  
  
It was Duo's voice which interrupted Heero's thoughts this time. "Wufei's got a nice side, ya know," he was saying earnestly to Trowa and Quatre. "When you two were away on L4 a few days before Zechs and Noin got married, Wu and me caught a mild virus and when we began to perk up a bit, one of the rookies gave us a TV for our bedroom...."  
  
Heero screwed his eyes closed and tried not to listen to Duo's babble.  
  
"....Heero was on a mission to Colony L3, I think....and so Wufei took his bed in our dorm....."  
  
The mission on L3. Heero found himself secretly sweating, and wiped his clammy palms down the sides of his pants.  
  
"....we watched some martial arts movies, and then some of the stuff I liked, and we actually laughed a few times," Duo was continuing, in the same merry tone, "...Wu can be good company when he's forced to be. He tried to teach me some Chinese. Too bad Heero came back from his mission a day early to spoil the fun."  
  
The mission on L3. A day early. Heero's heart lurched.  
  
"Hey, Heero."  
  
Heero found Duo's violet-blue eyes were turned in his direction. "Hmm?"  
  
"Who went with you to L3?"  
  
He swallowed hesitantly. "No-one. I went by myself."  
  
"On a mission by yourself? I thought Lady Une didn't allow that."  
  
"She did this time."  
  
Heero felt this skin on the back of his neck begin to creep uncomfortably. He rubbed a hand over his forehead.  
  
"Well I suppose it's not like you can't take care of yourself. You were, after all, the Perfect Soldier," Duo said almost enviously, "All of us are capable of looking after ourselves, we've had enough practise being Gundam Pilots and everything...." His voice trailed off as he realised an intruder had entered the room.  
  
"Gundam Pilot, hm?" asked the new addition to the scene, who happened to be a strange looking doctor with wild, raven hair. It was the ugly creases in his sallow face which gave him such a peculiar appearance. "The patient, Mr...Chang - was he really a Gundam Pilot?"  
  
"Er...yeah...," Duo stammered. "I mean...no..noooo....of course not."  
  
The doctor clearly believed Duo's former statement and nibbled his bottom lip thoughtfully, his brow creased in a pensive manner.  
  
"Is something wrong?" Quatre asked warily, trying to ignore the furious looks Trowa and Heero were directing at Duo.  
  
"Oh, not at all," the doctor replied, with a crooked smile which seemed cheerful yet insincere at the same time. His eyes, like tiny pieces of coal, were almost hidden by the crinkles on his face as he beamed. "My name is Doctor Julius, and from now on, I am going to be overseeing your friend's progress. I was just coming in here to do a routine check on him. But everything seems okay. You may have a few more moments with the patient."  
  
He cast another pondering look at Wufei, then each of the patient's friends in turn. With that, he nodded politely and made his exit.  
  
"He's seems like a freak," Duo chuckled with a slight sneer. "I dunno, like an eccentric scientist or something."  
  
"He's a doctor," Quatre answered plainly. "And more importantly, Duo, you're gonna have to be more careful about what you say. You can't just talk so loosely about us being Gundam Pilots. We're not supposed to let the average person know. For our own sake more than anything. We're supposed to be flushing ourselves of those times."  
  
"Cut me some slack. I didn't know anyone was there, did I?" Duo said with a flick of his braid, quietly annoyed at himself for being too careless, though he wasn't going to reveal that to the others. "Ooh, paranoia's getting to you, eh?"  
  
"Come on, I think it's time we left," Heero spoke up firmly. "Wufei's clearly okay for now. Let's get going."  
  
"What's the rush?" Duo quarrelled. "Oh well, I suppose we can let Sally know Wufei's probably gonna recover. She'll be glad. Poor woman, she's been real messed-up since his accident...and it's not even like Sally to be that way...."  
  
"I said let's get going."  
  
Heero scowled, stalking off in the direction of the elevator. Without another word, Trowa and Quatre followed his lead, both snatching sympathetic looks at their bed-ridden friend. Duo trailed along behind too, dragging his feet. He was irritated by Heero's harsh attitude. He thought Heero had changed for the better, so why recently was he so distant and prickly? 'Regression' Duo decided bitterly.  
  
***  
  
Noin and Zechs were sitting tensely on the couch watching television when the four ex-pilots entered the apartment. Zechs' intense stare was fixed on the screen in front of him, one arm draped loosely around his wife's shoulders, whilst the other rested against the side of his face.  
  
"Just catching up on world events," Noin remarked, gesturing to the news reporter present on the screen. "How's Wufei doing?"  
  
Duo's face split into a gentle grin. "The doctors think he'll pull through. He's been moved from intensive care now. We reckon he's gonna be fine."  
  
"That's a big relief," Lucrezia said with a gasp, slapping her knee as she rose. Zechs simply nodded.  
  
"Where's Sally?" Quatre inquired, seeing she wasn't anywhere nearby.  
  
"In bed," Zechs responded nonchalantly, "She said something about feeling ill, but I think it's just that she'd rather be alone."  
  
"Well that's gonna change now Wufei's on the mend," Duo piped up, plonking himself down in one of the armchairs.  
  
"Let's not get too excited too early," Heero remarked quietly. Duo shot him a 'don't be so cynical' glare.  
  
Noin strode over to one of the bedroom doors and tapped on it with her fingernails. "Sally?" she called without entering, yet loud enough to alert her friend. "The boys are back. Wufei's doing much better. You gonna come out?"  
  
There wasn't an answer. With that, Noin went to the kitchen cupboard and extracted a tumbler, filling it with some orange squash, then diluting it with bottled water. It was a known fact that running water in that area was much less purified. She took a few sips of the drink, and Quatre politely asked if he may have one too.  
  
"I had time to do some shopping whilst you were out today," Noin told them, handing the second drink to Quatre, who thanked her. "And I managed to get Sally to come too, though she's spent the rest of the afternoon in that pokey bedroom. I haven't said much to her at all. She's still not really herself..."  
  
"That can be expected," Heero commented darkly. Zechs looked over at him, then nodded in acknowledgement of Heero's words.  
  
Presently, the creak of a door interrupted the quiet of the room, save for the drone of television. Sally emerged, her face bleary and her hair tangled. She was dressed in her uniform, minus the jacket. The shirt she had on appeared creased from where she had been lying down. Her eyes blinked as they became accustomed to the light, and the sight of Zechs, Noin and the four others seated in various places in the room watching the TV screen.  
  
"Oh, you're up," Noin greeted her, trying to judge how she should act by the expression on her companion's face. Sally wasn't really wearing an expression, she just appeared tired.  
  
"Uh...yeah.." Sally replied groggily.  
  
Noin patted the space on the couch beside her, motioning for Sally to sit down. The tawny-haired woman seated herself obediently. Noin gave her friend's shoulders a light squeeze. "Didn't you hear me, Sal? I told you that the doctors have said Wufei's got a great chance of pulling through."  
  
"Sorry, I didn't hear you. I was sleeping."  
  
"Well aren't you happier now?"  
  
Quatre and Duo watched the woman's face intently, waiting for her answer. Trowa's eyes darted to and fro, not sure where to rest. Heero kept his eyes focused on the TV. He didn't estimate Sally would want to be gawked at.  
  
"Sally?" Noin pressed.  
  
"Oh...yeah. Sorry, I was miles away there. That's great. Has Wufei woken up yet?"  
  
"No, but he probably will soon," Quatre interjected brightly. "At least he's not in too much danger. It's not as if he has internal bleeding or anything."  
  
"I'm so glad," Sally replied softly. "But it doesn't take away what I've done."  
  
Heero's eyes snapped to hers and she glanced back. "No-one can blame you, Sally. It was an accident," he said through gritted teeth.  
  
"An accident I could have avoided if I'd have been more responsible," she answered moodily, her pale blue eyes fixed grimly on his. "Perhaps it was an accident, but it doesn't take it off my conscience. I can't understand people who can do terrible things and can carry on regardless."  
  
Heero swallowed and clenched his jaw, inwardly refusing to let her icy gaze defeat him. "Neither can I."  
  
"Let's try and lighten things up a little," Duo remarked with a shudder. "The atmosphere is so heavy in here. Jeez, anyone would think they'd given Wufei an hour to live the look on both your faces!"  
  
After a few moments, the seven of them took to watching the TV without any further conversation. The news round had finished and now there was some documentary on talking about the crime and living conditions on parts of colonies L2 and L3.  
  
"Those places have really gone down the drain," Zechs said with a sneer. "Drugs, gangs, the lot."  
  
"You get that anywhere," Noin reminded him, sensibly. "Even so, there's still nice parts on those colonies. It's not all doom and gloom. And after the violence each one of us here have witnessed, a few street fights seem so trivial."  
  
"It shouldn't be that way," Trowa spoke up. "All fights should be taken seriously. When people deliberately hurt each other, I don't think it can be categorised in importance."  
  
"You may be right, Trowa," Quatre agreed. "Maybe I'm just too ignorant, but I wouldn't like to go to one of those areas alone. But you managed it on L3, didn't you, Heero?"  
  
Heero snapped out of his temporary trance. "Hn?"  
  
"Your mission," the blonde continued patiently. "To L3. You were okay and you went alone, right?"  
  
Noin's brow furrowed. "I thought you went with Sally on that mission - when Duo and Wufei were sick or something."  
  
"No, he went by himself," Sally replied defensively.  
  
"But you told me you two were taking a shuttle out together as temporary partners," Noin insisted. "I'm sure that's what you told me."  
  
Sally inhaled deeply. "Er - yeah. I was going to but then Lady Une needed me to assist the desert training with the rookies. So Heero went alone. Right, Heero?"  
  
"Yeah," he answered, his focus on the documentary.  
  
"You were probably just too busy with your wedding preparations. After all, you got married a few days later," Sally added casually. "Anyway, no harm done."  
  
"None at all," Heero echoed.  
  
Authors note: Well, how's it going? Is this too short? Reviews welcome ^_^ 


	5. *~Chapter 4~*

Here's yet another chapter ^^ A longer one. Please give me your comments! ~ Ashy   
  
************************************************  
  
The First To Fall   
  
*~Chapter 4~*  
  
It was roughly six in the morning when Zechs and Noin departed for the Preventer main HQ. They left quietly, without rousing the other occupants of the villa. The spitting of the shower and the noise of luggage being collected together didn't disturb those sleeping. The others were already were aware the two would be leaving early to fly out and arrive back at the time Une had requested.  
  
Noin bid a quiet farewell to Sally, but her friend was too drowsy to respond, so she patted her bedclothes and made her way to the door, where her husband was waiting. Zechs was brooding, as usual, though occasionally raising his head to inhale the fresh morning air. It was fragrant with the scent of flowers which barely overrode the pungent smell of sea salt. The sea wasn't too far away, the sound of waves lapping could be caught clearly on the breeze. A few gulls squalled as they circled above.  
  
"Ready, Noin?" Zechs said as she approached him.  
  
"Yeah...what are we gonna do about the door key once we've locked the door?"  
  
"Put it through the window. Look, there's a slight opening."  
  
Noin tugged the door shut, locked it, and slid the key through the gap. "Guess we'd better get going. It's going to be a fair walk to our aircraft. And we can't use the rented truck - the guys and Sally will need it."  
  
"Walking never did anyone any harm," Zechs reminded her with a gruff chuckle before the two began their reluctant trek.  
  
***  
  
"Quatre, how long does it take to pour a bowl of cornflakes?" Duo exclaimed, as the blonde shook the packet with such meticulous care. Duo forked a hand through his unbraided tangle of hair, releasing his exasperation into the mug of coffee he was drinking. His sigh made the liquid quiver as his breath touched it.  
  
"Here, I just didn't want to get any on the table," Quatre replied, handing over the packet of cornflakes to his American companion. Duo took it and greedily tilted the box, spilling a cascade of cornflakes into his breakfast bowl and everywhere else within a meter radius.  
  
"Nineteen years of age and Mr Maxwell here still hasn't mastered the art of pouring breakfast," Trowa remarked with a slight smile.  
  
"Sounds like something Wu would say," Duo replied, scooping up the mess from the table and floor with his bare hands. "That reminds me, who's gonna visit him today? We can't all go trooping in can we?"  
  
"Don't you want to visit Wu, Sally?" Quatre questioned, studying the woman whose elbows rested on this table and couple of inches from her coffee mug.  
  
"I guess..." Sally replied. "I'll walk there when I'm dressed. I hope he's awakes. I wanted to talk to him."  
  
"What about?" Heero demanded, suddenly realising how dangerous he sounded.  
  
Sally took a long swig from her coffee casually before replying. "I've just got things on my mind which I feel the need to tell Wufei. I'm sure you have such things too, Heero."  
  
The other three present exchanged baffled glances, then resumed their task of eating.  
  
"If you both want to visit Wufei, it's no problem," Trowa spoke up, ripping a piece of toast with his teeth, then chewing ponderingly.  
  
He studied both Sally and Heero's faces and postures, trying in vain to figure out what was causing such a curious awkwardness between them. As far as he knew, the two had always trusted each other and always behaved favourably towards one another. Trowa wondered whether Heero resented the fact Sally had been the one who caused the accident, or the fact Wufei seemed so attached to her. Maybe it irritated him that Sally seemed to direct her friendly attentions more to Wufei than to Heero, when it used to be more equal. It could be a number of reasons.  
  
"I'll accompany Sally, then," Heero said after a pause, realising the silence was a cause for query.  
  
"We've got a truck hired from the local garage," Trowa continued. "I'll give you both a lift, it's too far to walk. I have to stock up on supplies from the market anyway."  
  
`The garage - same place I hired that jeep...' Sally thought to herself. `I wonder what they did with the hunk of junk...'  
  
"Tro - can you get us some chocolate and cookies from the market?" Duo inquired, a boyish grin on his face, knowing Noin had only bought the bare minimum on her visit. "And none of that yucky fruit. Only junk will do."  
  
"And some more cereals," Quatre added, kicking at a stray cornflake with his slipper-clad toe.  
  
The auburn haired youth nodded, seeing the conversation had averted itself successfully. Heero was chewing his toast methodically, no longer brooding, and Sally was flicking through an old newspaper which had been discarded in the villa. Things seemed to be taking a turn for the better, how long that would last was yet to be discovered.  
  
***  
  
Wufei blinked and groaned, feeling a dull ache in his shoulder and a slight throb in his head. His senses were a little numbed, though he could smell the distinct scent of antiseptic chemicals. He came to the conclusion fairly quickly that he was in a hospital. He had an acrid taste in his mouth and he felt so parched. He was thirsty, so very thirsty.  
  
"Water...." he groaned.  
  
"Hm?" a woman's voice sounded. "Oh...Wu...you're awake!" She smiled faintly. "I guess you meant the other kind of water...."  
  
It was Sally Po. He could tell straight away by the sound of her voice, even if his vision was hazy. She had been sitting on a chair beside his bed her face looked slightly blotched.  
  
A stocky nurse who was passing the opened door stopped when Sally indicated she was needed. "Can you please get this patient a drink of water?" she asked. "He's just woken up."  
  
"Certainly," the nurse replied, before scuttling away.  
  
Wufei looked back at Sally.  
  
"Where....where...am I?" he asked hoarsely.  
  
"In hospital, Wufei."  
  
"I know that, Woman. But why...?"  
  
No sooner had the words escaped his lips, he remembered why. It was still a little fuzzy - the minor details - yet he could vividly recall his argument with Sally, then walking away, turning...an impact. That was all. He rubbed his head with the heel of his free hand.  
  
"I hit you," Sally explained soberly, not leaving her seat. "With that hired jeep we were in. There must have been a problem with it...it spiralled out of control as I was trying to reverse. I was coming back for you, Wufei. I promise. I wouldn't have left you...it was an accident..."  
  
He nodded mutely, his jet eyes scanning her face inquisitively. "I know," he uttered softly. "I know despite everything, you'd never do that. Accidents such as those can be expected from women drivers."  
  
Sally wished that was the only issue she had to reconcile with him for. Just for being a bad driver. She could live with it if he thought she was just a `silly woman who couldn't handle a jeep'.  
  
Though she knew that wasn't the case. His odd sexists quips never really affected her. She knew distinctly that he held her in a position of high respect, that he thought a lot about her. Why? Why couldn't he just hate her? It would make things so much easier. But she had his respect, his trust...and she'd thrown it away, even if Wufei didn't know it. Slightly alarmed, she felt her eyes swelling and a lump force it's way up her throat. She swallowed it down hard. He noticed though, Chang Wufei never missed a trick.  
  
"What's wrong, Sally?" he demanded, in his usual confrontational manner, but with a twinge of tenderness hovering in his words.  
  
"I...I want to talk to you."  
  
She didn't. She didn't want to talk to him at all. Not about what she knew she should. Sally figured she could get around the problem without actually lying or giving him any reason to question her integrity. Not that she had any, she mentally reprimanded herself.  
  
"What is it Sally?" Wufei asked again, running his tongue over his bottom lip, which was dry from lack of liquids. The stocky nurse appeared at that moment, and seeing the patient had company, handed Sally the cup of water and left them in peace for a while.  
  
"Here, Wufei," she whispered, rising from her seat and leaning close to him so she could put the cup to his lips.  
  
"I don't need any help, Woman," he replied in mild protest.  
  
"But you have a broken shoulder and a sprained wrist," Sally answered, keeping her cool. She was well used to Wufei's behaviour.  
  
"I am aware I've broken something but I DO have a free hand," he answered defiantly, presenting his uninjured hand as if she was unaware it existed. "I don't need to be treated like an infant."  
  
"Fine." Sally passed him the drink and he sipped from it unsteadily, trickling a few droplets down the front of his cotton hospital robe. Sally noticed but made no reference to the spillage.  
  
There was a strained silence for a few moments, then Wufei spoke up; "What was it you needed to tell me?"  
  
He watched her carefully again, taking note of every painful twitch her face might display.  
  
"There's no easy way to say this," Sally answered gravely, moving swiftly back to the chair she had previously occupied. "But...I'm leaving the Preventers....I'm going back to live in China."  
  
Sally daren't raise her eyes to behold his reaction. She hadn't quite expected Wufei to be so silent. When she finally assumed the courage to look him in the face, she saw he was simply drinking from the plastic cup. As he removed the cup from his lips, she watched him stare into it, as if somehow the last trace of water inside was going to prompt his answer.  
  
"I see," he uttered quietly after a few tense seconds. He took in a sharp breath. "I'm sorry you feel that way. At Zechs and Noin's wedding...since then....that time in the jeep....Sally, I never intended to - "  
  
She bit her lip and her brow creased with anxiety. "No, no Wufei. It's not because of you..."  
  
He sighed, "You don't have to lie to me...I know I've been too heavy on you - it's just...well....I never spent time with women did I? I didn't know....how to act...I suppose I ought to have been more honourable."  
  
Her face softened, and he could see real despair in the depths of her limpid eyes. "I know I was hard on you, but....you're not the reason I have to go. I don't want you to blame yourself, Wufei. I know you're just confused."  
  
Was he confused? Wufei didn't particularly like to be told what he felt, as if he was some child incapable of recognising his emotions. But if he wasn't the reason Sally felt the compelling need to escape, what was?  
  
"What are you running from, Woman?" he demanded, his tone firm yet gentle.  
  
"I...I just need to go, okay?" Sally replied, hanging her head and closing her eyes to block the tears threatening to emerge. "That's all there is to it."  
  
"And you think you can just running away to China will solve whatever the problem is?"  
  
"I'll get a job out there fine. I'll be....okay...by myself..."  
  
Wufei watched the woman's body tremble with pent-up suffering. He could not understand how she could make such a rash decision - Sally was always so rational and dependable.  
  
"Sally, if it makes you so sad to leave, then why? Why do something against what your heart desires?" he asked.  
  
"I can't explain it to you...I was hoping you'd just....tell me I was weak for going and leave it at that."  
  
"Woman, if I have caused this unhappiness, I demand you tell me!" Wufei commanded. "I never expected my actions would cause you to leave."  
  
Sally's head sank down into her hands, "For the last time, Wufei, you're not the reason. Just accept something I say and trust me on this - you're not the reason for my dilemma. If anyone's to blame it's me."  
  
Unable to keep her distance from him any longer, Sally rose from her chair a second time and perched herself on the side of the bed. She took a gentle hold of Wufei's hand and massaged it subtly with surprisingly chilly fingers. Sally always found herself coming over cold these days. She half-expected him to wrench his hand away angrily, resentful of her feeble words of consolation. Instead, he simply gazed intently at her face, as if trying to read into her problems.  
  
But Sally knew he'd never guess the problem she withheld from him. The whole purpose of her resignation from the Preventers was so it would never enter his - or anyone else's knowledge. Though there was one person alone she knew would have suspicions as to why she was leaving. But she also knew he'd keep quiet. He had too much to lose.  
  
" I admit we haven't always seen eye to eye," Wufei said quietly. "But I do respect you."  
  
Sally shook her head miserably. She didn't want his respect and neither did she feel she deserved it. "That's...that's good to know, Wufei," she replied, almost choking on her words. Her eyes were smarting but she was determined not to cry.  
  
"I suppose, Woman, you have to do what you feel best." His voice was so painfully sullen.  
  
" I suppose I do."  
  
"Sally," Wufei said after a pause, "I'm not in the business of prying into women's affairs but....if there's anything I can do to ease your situation, just say it."  
  
"You can forgive me," she answered blankly.  
  
"For the accident? I don't hold that against you, Woman."  
  
Sally sucked in a long breath before answering. "You know what I want you to do for me? I want you to marry....have children.... and be human. I just want you to live," she said shakily. "Because you can't ever be with me. It wouldn't be right..."  
  
His eyes, dark and intense, scanned her face, watching her jaw tremble. Inside, Wufei felt as if his world had fallen through. Why couldn't he be with her? It didn't matter to him if she was older, though he got the distinct impression that wasn't the reason. Ever since he'd kissed her at Zechs and Noin's wedding reception she'd appeared to want him and not to both at the same time. And every time he'd kissed her since, she'd berated him...more so in the jeep...as if she had had no part in it. As if what he was doing was wrong. Maybe she felt trapped, yet if that was so - why was she so heartbroken to forsake him now? It made no sense at all.  
  
"Sally, don't keep the truth from me," he urged. "Tell me what's wrong. I can't promise to have the right answers, but...I owe you at least enough to listen."  
  
She leaned closer to him, so close it made his heart flutter in his chest and he found himself becoming increasingly lost in those glistening blue eyes. They were decorated with a rim of unshed tears. She pressed a hand to his cheek, and moving forward, rested her own cheek against his. Wufei could feel it, damp against his skin. "I love you," she murmured. "That's what's wrong. I shouldn't."  
  
The arm confined to it's sling began to ache annoyingly, and Wufei wished it wasn't injured so he could reach out and touch her. His other hand was still held by hers. As she was so near to him, he could smell the trace of soap on her skin. Things about her other people would never think to notice fascinated him - from the shape of her ears, the microscopic hairs on her neck, the way her chin dimpled when she was perplexed or upset.  
  
He wasn't sure how he would manage if he couldn't appreciate these simple, trivial things anymore. Sally wasn't the kind of woman Wufei had expected to become so attracted to; she wasn't particularly feminine by her own admission. Neither did she possess any airs and graces so many women of his culture were expected to display. Despite all this, he found her so incredibly beautiful. It was weird. No-one had ever affected him like this before. It would crush him to lose her, not that he ever owned her in the first place.  
  
"Hey," Sally whispered tenderly, her gentle fingers stroking through his ebony locks, "You know you'll always be my favourite pilot. I won't forget you. You won't forget me either, will you?"  
  
"Never," he answered, so bitterly and quietly he feared she may not hear. But he needn't have worried. Sally heard him perfectly. Knowing this would be the last time she ever allowed herself to do this, she let her lips fall onto his, putting everything she could muster into that one kiss, as if somehow it would make him feel better when she broke away. It felt rotten to hurt the poor young man in this way - but by staying, she knew she'd hurt him more.  
  
"Sally," Wufei spoke up. "Don't leave yet. I do not wish to say good bye to you forever from a hospital bed."  
  
Sally realised with dawning relief that he didn't expect her to stay in contact once she'd reached China. "I'll wait a little while then. Until you're on your feet. But you won't change my mind."  
  
"I won't try to."  
  
Wufei's heart ached dreadfully, and maybe he might have permitted himself the liberty to shed a few tears himself, should Heero's figure not have appeared in the entrance of the room. Sally stiffened and stood to her feet. Heero appeared at least slightly heartened that his companion had awakened, yet his posture was rigid. Wufei wondered why his two visitors hadn't attended his bedside together, though the thought seemed meaningless and he quickly dismissed it.  
  
"Heero's here now, Wufei. So I'll leave, shall I?" Sally seemed to eager to depart. With a swift and discreet caress of his hand, she left Wufei, manoeuvring around Heero as if he was surrounded by a force field. Heero tried to greet Wufei in as cheerful manner as he could muster, yet he found it difficult to look him in the eyes. How could he? How could things ever be the same?  
  
***  
  
Sally found herself passing time on the marble steps of the hospital entrance, surrounded by fresh air. Staring out before her, Sally wasn't sure what in her surroundings she was actually focusing on. It wasn't the thick grass of the turf, the vibrant carpet of flora, or even the powder blue of the morning sky.  
  
Her thoughts were much too dark to allow any trace of contentment to break through. What could beautiful scenery do for her situation? Nothing. She didn't even have to ask herself the question, her spirit knew. Sally closed her eyes so nothing calm or serene could interrupt her inner torment. She knew it didn't do anyone any good to indulge their misery, but Sally wondered whether she deserved any different.  
  
As soon as Wufei had fully recovered, she'd leave for China as she said she would. Sally had to keep her promise to her partner that she'd at least wait until he was out of hospital. `I suppose he thinks he's going to talk me out of it', she told herself. `But he won't. He can't...'  
  
China. The place held many memories - some pleasant, yet many bleak. Her time with the rebels often slipped into her mind, which made her reflect on Wufei and caused her heart to grieve. Good. That was what she needed. A dose of grief.  
  
Sally began to reflect back as she blocked the world out...though she didn't know which scene her mind was playing her...the past or the future. In her mind's eye, she saw a small, faceless child, growing up in China. She could hear the child's nagging questions clearly, and the mother's answers...so painfully truthful.  
  
/"Those children at school, they say I look funny. Why don't I look like them, Mother?"  
  
/"Because you're different."  
  
/"You don't like me. Why did you have me, Mother?"  
  
/"For your father. You're his only family."  
  
/"Where is my father, Mother?"  
  
/"He doesn't live here."  
  
/"Did you love him, Mother?"  
  
/"No."  
  
/"Then why did you have me, Mother?"  
  
/"Be quiet! Stop asking me questions. Go out to play."  
  
/"Do you...do you love me, Mother?"  
  
"How can I love you when you came from me...and I hate myself?"  
  
The bewildering vision ended abruptly, and Sally suddenly felt herself begin to shake, out there in the calm, warm air. The violent tremors through her body continued until the spiteful tears pushed themselves out and coursed down her face, stinging and merciless. Was this really her past or events yet to come?  
  
It was then that she felt a cool grip on her shoulder, and half-blinded by her tears, made out the shape of a person sitting stiffly down beside her on the step. As her vision cleared, she realised with slight resentment that it was Heero.  
  
"I left. The doctor wanted to see Wufei. You okay?" he asked in a reserved manner.  
  
What kind of a stupid question was that? Did she LOOK okay? Sally felt pathetic to be blubbering into her hands like an infant when the ever aloof Heero Yuy was sitting beside her. Though she supposed it didn't really matter so much - he'd seen her cry before. And she'd seen him crumble also...though maybe to a lesser degree - she didn't wish to recall it  
  
Heero watched her tensely for a short while, unsure of what to say. The stern youth twiddled his fingers a little. What was there to say? Sorry? She'd heard that before and by now he was sure it's affect had dulled.  
  
He wished for once she'd be the strong, dependable woman he'd always valued. Then maybe he wouldn't feel so bad...it felt terrible to see she her in ruins. The one person besides the obvious Relena Peacecraft who had constantly believed in him. Sally had been proud of his achievements....and he felt in a small, almost melancholy sort of way, that he and the other former pilots belonged to her. Heero had always known from the start that she treated Wufei somewhat differently, and he also knew just how much his Chinese friend really adored that woman. Heero felt his stomach contract and a small amount of vomit rose to his throat, which he swallowed back down with a grimace.  
  
"Take your hand off my shoulder," Sally ordered, about as assertively as she could. Heero obeyed her and coughed nervously.  
  
"Wufei...he doesn't want you to go," he told her, just for something to break the icy atmosphere.  
  
"That doesn't surprise me," she answered grimly, smearing the moisture from her face with her sleeve. Heero noticed with a small shred of interest the smudges of her mascara against her pale cheeks.  
  
"You don't have to leave, Sally," he said. "It doesn't have to come to this."  
  
"Oh I think you'll find it does," she answered. "I never want Wufei or anyone else for that matter to find out what I did. But especially Wufei. He'd be gutted. Absolutely disgusted with me. All that respect and friendship...more....that I've earned will count for nothing."  
  
"But I thought you were just going to keep quiet and let time fade it out," Heero responded. "No-one would guess if they tried."  
  
"But what about integrity, Heero? What about that?" Sally argued, willing herself not to start weeping again. "Do you think you could carry a heartful of guilt for as long as you live? Maybe you can, but I can't. I always thought you were a decent boy..."  
  
"I'm not a boy."  
  
"Yeah," Sally replied with bitter realisation. "I should know that if anyone. And if I stay, everyone is going to find out anyway.... It would mean I'd have to..."  
  
`Murder', she thought  
  
"...do something more awful which I'm not going into. You see, Heero - one rotten deed leads to another...they're like lies - once you tell one, you have to tell more and more to cover it up. My situation is kind of like that. So I'm going to China."  
  
The Japanese youth wasn't granted much time to mull over her words, as at that moment, Trowa appeared in the hospital  
  
parking lot, which could be viewed from their seat. He'd obviously returned from the market with the supplies.  
  
"Trowa's here," Heero informed the woman at his side, as if she couldn't already see for herself.  
  
"I don't want you to tell him anything about what I've just said," Sally ordered under her breath, regaining her composure swiftly. "Just pretend we snuck out for some fresh air."  
  
Already Heero was making his way down the gravel path to the parking lot, where Trowa was gazing expectantly from the truck window.  
  
"What was that you told me about honesty, Sally?"  
  
"It's like that thing I said about the lies. One to cover up another. It's true, isn't it?"  
  
"Yeah. The truth is painful."  
  
"And you can't alter it. Just like you can't alter the past."  
  
But she could alter the future, Sally knew. And her choice meant pure and simply, a future without Wufei. It was going to kill her, but she knew it was the right thing to do. The only thing she could do. Or else it might kill him.  
  
TBC... 


	6. *~Chapter 5~*

Well, here's another chapter. I'm sorry for the wait, and as you can probably appreciate, when you've left a fic alone for a while, it's veeeery hard to get back into it.  
  
  
  
Refresher: Wufei was in hospital because of an accident caused by Sally. She is staying with the four other pilots in a rented villa on the island. In the last chapter she told Wufei she was going to leave for China when he is well again. Wufei thinks it's his fault she has to leave, but Heero knows something of the real reason...but not all of it...  
  
The First To Fall  
  
  
  
*~Chapter 5~*  
  
  
  
Wufei, once again, tried to close his eyes and rest his head against the white pillow, in order to remove all trace of Sally from his tired mind. It wasn't possible. Even the pungent smell of the hospital couldn't deter his senses. She couldn't just leave without some proper way to justify it. It was unusual for her to be so vague, she was always so straight to the point, though never cuttingly blunt the way he himself could sometimes be. Yesterday, when she had come to the hospital, Wufei hadn't mustered the strength to probe more into Sally's reasons for leaving, his head was still fuzzy from the temporary coma.  
  
He could still feel the tingle of her mouth on his, and the faint trace of her scent still lingered if he imagined hard enough. Wufei had wondered whether his actions prior to this had frightened her away from him, yet she'd seemed so pained to let him go, and it was more typical of Sally to be honest if she had an issue with his conduct. And she'd told him she loved him. Wufei groaned, unable to understand the enigma that was Sally Po's behaviour at the moment.  
  
*********  
  
Once again, Sally lay alone upon the bed in the smallest room in the villa. She was on her back, staring at the paint which was peeling slightly where the walls met the ceiling. Nausea swept over her again and again. Her stomach clenched every so often and her throat felt dry, then sour as she swallowed. The stress she was subjected to was playing havoc with her body. Even contemplating leaving the man she adored was terrible, but to be forced to put it into practise was a step further. A step she had to take, though. And adding to the hopelessness of the situation, she had accidentally put this man in hospital.  
  
Her head began to spin, as her anxiety levels began to rise again. Only last night had Quatre caught her throwing up in the bathroom. Some of it had splattered on the linoleum floor, and he had put aside his own weariness to help her clean up. Dear little Quatre. Her vomiting had no regular pattern, and sometimes she even encouraged it, but she noticed it happened the most when she was reflecting on her sins. Or more specifically the significant one.  
  
"You want some water?" said the auburn haired youth, who nudged his way softly into the room. He was almost as quiet as a ghost entering, Sally realised.  
  
"I'm fine, Trowa," she whispered back, and resumed her newest pastime of counting how many mosquitoes fluttered around near the window.  
  
"It's just last night, Quatre said-"  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
Trowa wasn't fazed. This manner of speech was much suited to himself anyway. He didn't mind receiving it, even if it was from a woman usually so approachable.  
  
"Duo and Quatre have gone up to see Wufei and talk to him," Trowa explained. "So if you want anything, ask me."  
  
Sally nodded.  
  
"Or Heero," he added.  
  
She squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath for a few moments. It was plain to see she was by no means all right.  
  
"Sally, something's wrong," the former Heavyarms pilot stated. "I can see it. And Heero can. It's affecting him."  
  
"Trowa, I'm sorry, I must...." Sally, suddenly dashed out of the bedroom and crashed straight into Heero's arms, the collision winding him. He held on to her, in an effort to steady her.  
  
"Get off me!" Sally snapped, trying to wrench herself away. "Don't you dare put your arms around me!"  
  
"I caught you, that's all," Heero replied brusquely, though somewhere in the depth of his eyes, Trowa noted the fear as he came to the scene.  
  
"Where are you going? The bathroom?" Trowa inquired of Sally.  
  
"Too late..." she choked, then swayed as if she might faint. Beads of perspiration were evident on her pale forehead and she gipped as if she might vomit at any moment. The Japanese man stepped backwards and let out a small gasp and Sally pulled herself away from his stabilising grip, and marched towards the bathroom.  
  
"Sally Po," Heero spoke up. "Sally-"  
  
But his attempts were fruitless, as she'd already closed the door, and when she emerged, she paced straight back into the bedroom without a glance at the two youths who were seated in the lounge area.  
  
It was then that Trowa turned to Heero, a firm, questioning expression cast over his usually reserved features. Heero sucked in a harsh breath and let it out with the slight hint of a growl.  
  
"What's going on, Heero?" Trowa asked. He wasn't exactly demanding to know, that wasn't Trowa's way. He never threatened his friends, especially this one. It was more than obvious that something was deeply troubling Heero, and he wasn't about to reveal what it was.  
  
The two sat in silence for a little while, and Trowa noted how strained was this brand of silence compared to to the usual times he and Heero shared a mutual immersion in their own thoughts. It was a way of making a balance between what had happened in the past, and what was occupying their lives now. They were never content to bury their memories behind a smile, which Duo might have well have painted on.  
  
Eventually, the emerald-eyed Preventer uttered some words; "Heero, if you need to speak to me, you must do so."  
  
"I don't."  
  
"It's just-"  
  
"I don't need your concern, Trowa."  
  
"And Sally? What about her? I may be quiet a great deal of the time, yet that has it's advantages. I notice things, Heero. Small details, and they unravel themselves in my mind as I try to analyse them..."  
  
"Then don't try."  
  
"You are missing my point, Heero," Trowa continued evenly, as his comrade glared at the floor, his knuckles white as he clasped his hands together. "Since Wufei's accident, Sally has been behaving...well....you see, don't you? You see how she sobs, and vomits and demands solitude. It is incredibly uncharacteristic. Frighteningly so. And I know you are at least vaguely aware of what her problem is. You may be the only one to help her through this."  
  
Heero snorted at the comment. Help her through it? How pathetically ironic.  
  
"I cannot help her, you shouldn't even dare to think you can interpret what I can and can't do."  
  
"Speak to her," Trowa urged.  
  
"No!" Heero finally retorted, rising abruptly from his perch on the couch. "Leave her be, Trowa. And tell Quatre to do the same. Sally doesn't want fussing over. She's a strong woman."  
  
"There's something going on between her and Wufei, isn't there," Trowa declared softly. "And it's causing her so much anxiety."  
  
"You are wrong," Heero answered. "There's nothing."  
  
"That isn't true. Ever since he's been in hospital, she's been this way. And maybe she was like that before, too. I cannot say. But I know there's some buried issue there."  
  
"Wufei never spoke of it to me," Heero answered bluntly. "Never."  
  
"He wouldn't admit it, would he?" Trowa estimated. "Rather like you and your situation with Relena Peacecraft."  
  
Heero snorted and some unidentifiable expression passed over his face as Trowa looked on. It seemed to be a mixture of anger, despair and misery. "Relena Peacecraft does not feature in my life. And she cannot."  
  
********  
  
"Wufei was pretty miserable," Duo announced as he strode through the door hours later, Quatre in tow. "He didn't hardly speak to us and kept complaining he was tired."  
  
"Poor guy," Quatre said, his voice thick with emotion. "He told us Sally was leaving. We finally squeezed it out of him."  
  
Trowa turned briefly to Heero, whose eyes were glued to the television screen, showing random snapshots of an ESUN conference, involving Relena. The peace policies were being praised, as it was becoming evident that the conflict between Earth and the colonies was a shadow of the past, as things were remaining promisingly stable over the past two and a half years.  
  
"Heero, you didn't mention anything."  
  
Heero wasn't listening to Trowa. He was aching for another glimpse of Relena. That young woman symbolised everything he thought to be pure and right, compared to the person he, Heero Yuy, had been- and what he had become.  
  
"Heero! Trowa's trying to talk to you!" Duo exclaimed arms flailing. "Why didn't you tell him Sally was leaving? Wufei said he'd told you when you last visited."  
  
"I didn't think it was necessary," the Japanese youth replied curtly. "It's her choice."  
  
"Do you guys think it would do any good if I spoke to her and tried to convince her to share her problems?" Quatre said imploringly. "Wufei seems to think he's to blame, though he didn't go into any details in the hospital."  
  
"It's not his fault," Heero cut in. "He shouldn't be allowed to think that."  
  
"Then whose fault is it?" Duo asked.  
  
"Shhh!" Quatre hissed. "Sally, by my reckoning, is still in that lonely bedroom and how do we know she's asleep? She could hear us!"  
  
"Is it Sally's fault?" Duo continued, lowing his pitch and volume. "What did she do?"  
  
"Nothing," Heero growled. "It's nothing to do with you. Or any of us."  
  
"It's something to do with you, Heero," Trowa said calmly. "Or at least you know what's wrong with her."  
  
"Whatever gave you that idea?" the prussian-eyed pilot snapped. "We share a connection. A respect. How do I know what's in her deepest thoughts?"  
  
"Hey, you don't have to convince us, man!" Duo said, shaking his head. "You're right. Sally's just taking this whole jeep accident thing bad, and she thinks she must leave because of it. It's so simple."  
  
Simple? Heero thought. Duo was right about that. Simple maybe, but then again, everything with terrible results can begin with something so simple.  
  
Nothing more was spoken of the issue, and after dinner, three of the four young men in the villa watched the television with little else left to do. Heero found his fingers toying with the handle of Sally's bedroom door, and after much deliberation, he opened it and entered.  
  
She wasn't laying down this time, she was sitting cross-legged on the bed, chewing halfheartedly at some bread from dinner. At least she was eating, was the first thing that came to Heero's mind.  
  
"What do you want?" she asked sullenly, putting down her food, as he closed the door behind him with a click. "I chose to stay in here because I want privacy. I'm feeling unwell."  
  
That was obvious. She looked extremely drawn, the sparkle gone from those gentle, smiling blue eyes. Now they were chips of ice set in a grey face - tired and wary.  
  
"Sally, must you leave?" Heero attempted again. "It isn't entirely necessary."  
  
"I've told you it is."  
  
"It isn't. I haven't breathed a word of this to anyone, and I doubt you have. Have you spoken to anyone.... Noin maybe?"  
  
"No. Noin is nothing to do with it. But I'm feeling the strains of keeping this from Wufei."  
  
"You love him, don't you?"  
  
Sally rolled her stinging eyes. "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. But I am resolute in what I must do: I have decided to tell Wufei the truth."  
  
Heero balked at this. "The truth? You think that is appropriate?"  
  
"As a matter of fact I do," Sally answered firmly. "Then he can fully understand why I must leave. I could not live my life in China knowing he is forever going to question why I left him. He thinks it's his fault."  
  
"And in truth, it isn't," Heero replied. "I know that."  
  
"Yes, but you don't know the full truth, either, Heero. You only know the part you played. It's me who's having to deal with the legacy, while you desperately try to keep on the good side of Zechs in order to claim his sister."  
  
Heero glowered at the wall behind Sally, and his heart burned with shame. If Zechs were to catch wind of the reasons behind this situation, Relena's views on him would be forever tainted.  
  
"What legacy do you mean? Guilt? It fades. My war guilt is fading."  
  
"War guilt? I'm glad for you, " Sally replied, and Heero wondered whether she was being sarcastic. "But this isn't a case of simply guilt. Or war deaths. In fact, this isn't even death. This issue is life...."  
  
"What life?" Heero demanded. "You make no sense to me, Sally."  
  
"Forget it. Forget everything, Heero. I shan't tell Wufei, he will be devastated. I will leave and walk away from this situation. And I'll bring up the consequences alone in China."  
  
"You're not a coward, Sally," Heero said as he paced towards the door frame. "Don't do this."  
  
"I didn't think you were a coward, either, Heero," she answered, in a softer tone. "But it's your feelings for Relena which do this to you, which cause you to conceal things. Just as my feelings for Wufei do the same to me. As I have said, I have no other choice but to leave. And if I stay, as the months roll on, let's just say you'll have a lot to answer for."  
  
The sound of a cell phone beeping cut through the tense atmosphere. It was Heero's. Automatically, the stoic youth reached into the pocket in his pants and pulled out the gadget, moving it to his ear.  
  
"Preventer Heero Yuy, who is speaking?"  
  
He expected it was either Lady Une, Zechs Marquise or Chief Une's new deputy, Harrison.  
  
"This is Doctor Julius....We met when you first visited Mr Chang."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"You left me this contact number."  
  
"I know."  
  
"I have some recent information on your comrade, Preventer Wufei Chang....I understand this may come as a shock to you."  
  
Sally couldn't hear very clearly the information being transferred to Heero, and neither did she think attempting to read his expression would allow her to deduce anything. Something flickered in the youth's eyes, though, as he snapped the phone cover shut and embedded it in his pocket once again. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip, was silent, and did not meet her probing gaze.  
  
"Heero...what is it?"  
  
He swallowed, and for a fleeting second, he looked rather like a small child, a little boy in need of comfort. The boy Sally remembered had always remained so stoic, yet right now, it was clear that something had been ripped from his soul. Something so dreadful he could not even uphold his statue-like appearance.  
  
"Heero," she repeated hesitantly. "Who was it? The hospital? What did they say?"  
  
He didn't reply. He just stared straight forward, as if the world was spinning, or crumbling all around him. Sally climbed off the bed and stepped towards him, casting away her anger in the face of this new circumstance, whatever it may be. She took his hands in hers, recalling their firmness, and she found they were cold. As cold are her own were.  
  
"Heero," she pressed one more time. "Speak to me."  
  
She tugged at him gently, and Heero finally uttered something in a low, bitter whisper;  
  
"He's dead. Wufei's dead."  
  
Dead? Sally's throat went dry and she blinked, unbelieving, as a knot tightened in her stomach. She wanted to vomit again, but somehow she couldn't exert herself to even open her mouth. Wufei, her favourite pilot, the boy she had believed in, the man she had grown to love with all her heart, the person who had become so precious to her compared to any other - gone.  
  
She realised she was still clinging onto Heero's hands, and he was staring blankly, focusing on nothing. She wanted something to hold onto, to stop her from collapsing, and she cared no more that it was him. He could be a wall to cry against, she thought, as she let go of his hands and pressed her cheek against his chest. Feelings didn't come into it. They never had as far as those two were concerned.  
  
"Why? Why, Heero? Are you sure?" she whispered, gripping him without even remembering the time she had done this before. Only Wufei mattered to her now. He was all that had ever really mattered.  
  
"I'm sure. It was a blood clot."  
  
Heero's head dropped, and his chin fell against the woman's hair. In an almost robotic gesture, he lifted his arms which felt so heavy at his sides, and placed them around her, knowing in a moment or so, he had the grim duty of telling the other three of this news. They would be devastated. Sally was heartbroken; he could feel the material of his shirt rapidly dampening with her discreet tears. And he himself, didn't know what he felt. Sadness.....or relief.  
  
TBC  
  
( Okay, well I'm gonna elaborate on the other pilots in the next chapters, as they need equal inclusion in the story. There's more of Duo and Quatre as it progresses. At least that's how it stands on my computer ^_^ And I know it's confusing. It's the way this fic is, I'm afraid! And don't be fooled, this is a veeeeery long fic. You know I can't kill Wu-chan!) 


	7. *~Chapter 6~*

Hey, I got another chapter done, I had parts of this chapter knocking around on my comp for ages so I thought it was time I tweaked it and uploaded it. And I'd better get on with my English Lit revising right now........  
  
**************  
  
The First To Fall  
  
*~ Chapter 6~*  
  
  
  
"Wufei," Quatre uttered, his voicing quaking. "Oh Wufei...."  
  
Heero, Duo and Trowa said nothing, only stared through glassy eyes, as if somehow the body before them on the hospital bed wasn't that of their Chinese friend and was some sort of impostor. But it was him. Most definitely. Sally was stood a few paces behind them by the plastered wall, and at her side stood Doctor Julius, a strange, solemn expression on his withered face.  
  
Wufei, still dressed in his clinical robe, was laying motionless upon the bed, his face pasty and his eyes closed. It almost appeared as if he was merely sleeping, yet his chest was not rising or falling, and there was no apparent sign of life.  
  
"I am very sorry. He died only minutes before I made the phone call," Julius spoke up. "He suffered from a severe stroke caused by a blood clot to the brain, we discovered. Only once we realised what was wrong, it was too late to do anything to save your comrade....Obviously the clot occurred because of his former head injuries."  
  
"You mean....the accident with the jeep was a factor in this fatal blood clot?" Sally asked in a soft, grave voice.  
  
Doctor Julius turned his gaze to her; "I am afraid so, Miss...what is your name?  
  
"Sally...Sally Po."  
  
"Yes, Miss Po. The impact to his head must have caused long term damage which wasn't detected on the earlier scans when he first arrived here unconscious. Blood clots can occur unexpectedly but this one was most definitely induced by the....as you call it....accident."  
  
Why was he looking at her in that shifty way? As if he thought she'd done it purposely? Sally knew the four other pilots would blame her forever for letting this happen to Wufei. And she would forever blame herself. It was yet another thing to add to the sickening burden on her conscience.  
  
"Can we touch him?" Quatre asked suddenly.  
  
Julius nodded. "You may notice that he will still be a little warm but I must assure you that there was nothing more we could do to salvage his life. I am sorry."  
  
"I...understand," Quatre said shakily. "I just wanna...touch him."  
  
Julius nodded and made his exit, claiming that he would return when they had each offered their necessary condolences. He had his own things to take care of - things of a deviant nature.  
  
Duo watched his Arabian companion, as if he had some sort of morbid fascination, though his logical mind told him Quatre was just trying to convince himself this wasn't some waxwork in front of him, but indeed his friend. Maybe it was his way of saying goodbye.  
  
The blonde teen drew himself up close to the bedside and crouched down, smoothing the sheets gently the way one might to a child. Then he lifted one of the Chinese youth's hands and cradled it against his wet cheek. "Goodbye," he choked. "I think I'm saying this on behalf of all of us when I say you meant a lot. We love you, Wufei. To me, there'll always be five of us."  
  
"Can it, Quatre," Duo said hoarsely. "You're making it too sad. Too final"  
  
The Arabian bowed his head and laid down his friend's limp hand. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his jaw trembling. "I just wanted to say something...."  
  
"It's okay, Quatre. At least you've had to courage to do so," Trowa said gently, though his eyes were vacant.  
  
"Wufei wouldn't want this kind of mush," Duo growled, and Quatre once again looked ashamed.  
  
"Well what you would you like to say to Wufei, then, Duo?" Trowa whispered, feeling a slight pang for Quatre. They all coped with and confronted grief in different ways, and neither way was wrong. Quatre shouldn't be made to feel foolish.  
  
For once, Duo Maxwell had nothing to say. Of course, there was loads he wanted to say to Wufei but not the kind he could vocalise on the spot; "Um, you were cool, man," he said, trying to force a smile but the muscles in his face insisted he wore the grim expression he was holding. "Rest up, wait for us."  
  
The other three pilots knew Duo was still at the stage where he had been told Wufei had died, he could see it for himself, yet it hadn't registered in his brain. He hadn't hit the realisation yet that gone meant forever. But it would come, that was for sure.  
  
Sally remained standing in the same position, arms held rigidly by her side. She stole a glance sideways and noticed that Heero was now leaning against the wall, arms crossed, watching the scene at the bedside soberly. Right then, Duo turned and walked straight out, just as Quatre broke down in tears. Trowa nodded to the others and head bowed, followed them out. Obviously to see a companion's life fade to nothing was just too much to take. Sally and Heero remained the only two present with Wufei now, both as tense as each other.  
  
The woman refused to allow herself to cry. Not in front of Heero. Her release came when the solemn youth turned and walked out of the room in the same manner as the other three, without so much as a backward glance at Chang Wufei. Sally knew it was painful for Heero. So very painful to lose a friend who he had so impulsively betrayed. How could he possibly say anything to Wufei? Sally hadn't even expected him to.  
  
All alone now, she stood in a hospital room - with the empty shell of that young man she had always cherished. Loved. She didn't doubt that for a second. She loved Wufei. Hopelessly. Stupidly. Even when before she had told herself they couldn't possibly be together. As he'd grown from a self- loathing boy to a reserved man, Sally had been unsure of what she felt for him; she had always looked upon him with affection because he was 'her pilot', the one she had the most interest and involvement in.  
  
Sally had frequently quelled her dawning feelings and rested in the assumption he would always see her as an older sister, or even just a 'woman'. A colleague....Major Sally Po, Preventer Water, a title. He may have even felt some sort of affection for her on friendly terms, manifesting itself in his occasional haughty mannerisms and over- protectiveness. But never a lover. He couldn't ever love her in the way she wished for him to. That was what she had first thought long ago. Even when he had first spontaneously kissed her over a year ago, her sensible mind had put it down to teenage curiosity, and nothing more than that.  
  
She cast her tortured mind back to another event, a month or so ago. The day of Zechs and Noin's wedding. Then she'd felt the full power of her feelings for him, which she had discovered he returned. In a way, it had shocked her, in a way, not. She'd felt his arms, gentle and strong encircling her, she was held close to his flame, pressed against his beautiful body with his scent filling her lungs. She'd wanted to stay there forever, savouring the taste of him. But she knew she couldn't.........  
  
It was too late. Too late for her, she had thought at the time. Back then he still had a whole life ahead to find a woman who deserved him. She, on the other hand, was wasted. Of course, to everyone else she was just sensible, predictable, reliable Sally. All those kind of things sprung to mind on the mention of her name. And whilst those qualities weren't exactly bad, she hated them. Because those people were wrong. They didn't know her. Her friends didn't know her anymore. And Wufei hadn't known her right then at Zechs and Noin's wedding as he held her in his arms. He hadn't known that she could never have a relationship with him....because that day the test had shown she was carrying a child. To somebody else. That minor detail changed everything.  
  
She had had to push him away, make him promise never to touch her, though never telling him why. And she'd made a promise to herself also. Never, never must she put her arms around him and draw him near. Never must she feel his lips against hers. Because he was honourable - he deserved someone like his first wife. Someone like Mieran. If only he'd listened to Sally when she'd told him not to touch her....he hadn't been able to help himself. And then she would gather him in and realise she couldn't- pulling and then pushing him away all the time. If only they hadn't have been so attracted to each other, things would have been so much easier. He might have backed off, and she would have willingly let him. They wouldn't have shared kisses then argued...in their Preventer office when no-one was around...in his dorm...in her apartment....in that cursed jeep......  
  
Sally slipped back into the present, and saw her beloved Wufei as he was now. Still, lifeless. She'd killed him. It may have been an accident...the head injuries...the blood clot. But she'd killed him with that blasted jeep. Unintentionally or not, it changed nothing. He was dead. Finished. Gone.  
  
"Wufei," she whispered to his inanimate form. Her voice sounded almost childlike, and pleading. "Please....I'm...I'm sorry....I'm so sorry...."  
  
She'd seen dead people before. Lots in the military hospital with the Alliance. But they were just soldiers, nameless, faceless people. They hadn't affected her. Perhaps Heero had - but he'd been alive - and she didn't want to think about anything concerning him right now. Sally never felt afraid of the dead. Maybe sorry for them, but never afraid. In war, you couldn't be. But this was different. This was Wufei. She'd kissed those lips that she saw in front of her now, she'd stroked her fingers through the silky hair. She'd smelled his neck and held him close. And yet she felt so distant. No, she couldn't touch him as he lay there. She wasn't innocent, or pure, or justified. She wasn't Nataku.  
  
"I'm sorry, Wufei," she repeated her voice faltering. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry that...that we couldn't be together....if only you'd have known....I'm sorry I did it..."  
  
Sally was aware of the tears dribbling down her face and wished that he could open his dark eyes and she could admit to him why she couldn't let him close...and she'd watch him be disgusted, and hate her, but at least he'd be alive. She wished so hard, pointlessly. Knowing she was being ridiculous, she turned to flee.  
  
"Sally?" a gentle, quivering voice whispered. "It's all right...we're all suffering."  
  
Large, tear-filled aquamarine eyes met hers, and she realised it was Quatre. He took hold of her hand, and she wasn't sure whether he was offering her guidance or asking for it himself. She didn't care which as they exited the room and Doctor Julius entered, a discreet curve of a smile on his sallow, wrinkled face. "Fools," he muttered.  
  
"We don't blame you, Sally " Quatre said as they walked, and she saw the ends of his blonde bangs were dampened with tears. "The others have gone back to the truck.... outside. There's nothing else we can do right now."  
  
"I suppose they'll take him to the mortuary and we'll have to get a coffin and stuff...or he might have wanted to be cremated....," Sally answered, her sentence trembling. She and Wufei had never talked about things like that.  
  
" We'll... make.... arrangements you know...for the body...later...but right now....it's like I'm in a dream...a terrible one...," Quatre murmured strangely. "And I feel as if he isn't dead...he was too warm...to be dead...but the doctor knows, I know that. He's the professional...I'm just in...denial...yes...denial..."  
  
Denial? Sally thought. Better than the harsh truth. Back to the villa then, for at least another couple of nights it seemed she was destined to be. Back to that lonely room in which she confined herself. Back to that pokey bathroom in which she constantly vomited. The same food, the same tears. Having to suffer each strained day with the shadow of Heero Yuy.  
  
"I'm so sorry...Quatre...I'm sorry for all of you," she mumbled, blinking away the river of tears, yet to no avail. "For the accident. Wufei was your comrade...your brother."  
  
They were nearing to steps, neither thinking to use the elevator. She could hardly see where she was walking for the film of water over her eyes, making her eyelashes clump together. Sally doubted Quatre could see for his tears, either, as he kept wiping his eyes with his sleeve.  
  
"Wufei wouldn't want you to feel...tormented and guilty like this, Sally," Quatre answered gently as they approached the outside door. "You've always been good, and kind to him. You've never hurt him in any way. That was only an accident and was unavoidable...It could have happened to anyone....why must you feel so condemned?"  
  
Her only answer was a muffled sob. Tender, compassionate Quatre didn't understand even the half of it. Again, she felt the familiar sickness spreading over her as she went into the open air. And it continued as she climbed into the passenger seat of the waiting truck. Quatre joined Duo and Heero in the back. Trowa cast a glance at Sally but said nothing, before turning his eyes to the exit of the parking lot and the road ahead.  
  
*********  
  
Three hours later, Duo was cradling Wufei's backpack as Heero entered the small bedroom in the villa. Sally was in the bathroom showering, she said. Trowa and Quatre remained in the seating area. The Arabian lay splayed out face-down on the couch, his tears soaking into the cushions. He was weary and devastated. Trowa was keeping an eye on him whilst restraining his own grief miraculously the way only he could.  
  
As he entered the bedroom, Heero saw the American's violet eyes were tearless and bulging, and he was rocking back and forth slightly. Heero, with no word to his partner, promptly seated himself at the small desk and opened his laptop. Within minutes, he was tapping methodically into the keypad.  
  
"Heero...what are you doing?" Duo questioned, his voice hoarse. Heero could tell he'd been crying, or yelling, or something along those lines earlier. He didn't mention this, though. It would only dent Duo's pride.  
  
"I'm just updating Lady Une on the situation," Heero replied evenly. "She said to keep in contact. I thought a typed message would be easier. It's a difficult thing to talk about....for me anyway."  
  
"Wufei...he isn't really gone, Heero," Duo whispered, trying to convince himself. "Those doctors said he was gonna pull through - how can they just tell us he had a blood clot? Just like that? It doesn't make any sense."  
  
Heero didn't answer. His attention was focused entirely on his screen.  
  
"I thought things were gonna be good, man," Duo sighed, moving himself into a cross-legged position and hoisting the bag onto his lap. "After the wars and stuff. It's been nice recently. We haven't had much to worry about - now we get this! Don't we ever just get to live normal lives? Is it too much to ask?"  
  
Heero responded with a quiet grunt.  
  
Slowly, the former Deathscythe pilot began to fumble with the pockets of Wufei's bag, somehow feeling if he held his companion's possessions, it may ease the pain of feeling so detached from him. His fingers curled around the smooth pistol Wufei had been given as a Preventer to defend himself. Duo set it down on the bed beside him.  
  
Heero turned momentarily from his message. "What you doing?"  
  
"What?" Duo answered defensively.  
  
"With his backpack."  
  
"Just looking. No harm in that. Wu would want us to take care of his stuff, right?"  
  
Heero shrugged and turned back to his screen. If it helped Duo's hurt to do this, it was his deal.  
  
"Just put them back when you're done."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Duo, moving it beside him, opened the clasp on the backpack and peered inside. He knew Wufei was always a meticulously tidy person and kept everything precise. Even the smallest details such as the contents of his bag were organised. Nothing much was in there. Just a change of clothes folded up, which he evidently hadn't worn. Duo pulled the shirt and pants out and splayed them across his lap, whilst discovering Wufei's traditional Chinese robes were present too.  
  
"Aww, look, he had the aftershave I bought him for Christmas," Duo said with a bitter smile. He pulled out the bottle and studied it. "Wufei told me he hated the smell, but he must have liked it really, huh?"  
  
"Quit it, Duo. This is important and you're distracting me." Heero sounded stern.  
  
"Hey, you think Wu was kind of like our brother?" Duo spoke up softly, ignoring his comrade's tone of voice. " You think we're all kind of like brothers?"  
  
Heero nodded nonchalantly. " I suppose."  
  
"Do you think when all five of us grew up, we'd still have shared in each other's lives?"  
  
After a few moments, the Japanese teen clicked to send his message. Then he snapped the lid of the laptop shut and leant his elbows on the desk, looking pensive.  
  
"We're grown up now," Heero said. "Almost."  
  
"Well then if adulthood is as crap as my childhood was then I don't want it," Duo declared. " I wish I could live in Never Never Land."  
  
Heero's brow furrowed and he snorted as he turned to face his friend. " What?"  
  
"Never Never Land. Peter Pan," Duo answered, forgetting Heero probably wouldn't have ever heard children's stories.  
  
"Never heard of it."  
  
"I'll tell ya. Solo and the older kids told me when I was scared and stuff at night. Peter Pan, he's like this kid who lives in Never Never Land, a place where you never grow up. There's pirates and things like that, but not wars. Not real nasty stuff. And there's this fairy and a princess but she's not called Relena, she's called Tigerlilly."  
  
"Relena, what's she got to do with this?" Heero snapped.  
  
"Nothing. Don't be so touchy. You fancy her or something?" Evidently Duo was trying to cope with his bereavement by grating on Heero's nerves. The subject of Relena was a very delicate nerve.  
  
"No. Shut up."  
  
"Well there's the lost boys too, I think they remind me a bit of us really. Lost boys. We've always been lost..."  
  
Heero had heard enough. "Duo, it's a story," he stated. " Tell it to your kids. Not to me. I don't need to hear it right now."  
  
Duo looked deflated for a second or two then he sneered, "Yeah, maybe I will tell it to my kids. It's not like you'll have any tales to tell...then again you ever being a father is highly unlikely."  
  
Heero pondered darkly on this comment, as Duo focused his attention on the contents of Wufei's backpack again. He felt the unfamiliar shape of a small box and pulled it out. It was black with a strange, smooth texture, sort of like a jewellery box but larger. There were Chinese symbols on the lid. Duo slowly undid the clasp and lifted the lid. Inside were several items, they hadn't much value to the former Deathscythe pilot - just old photos.  
  
"Hey, Heero, did you know Wufei used to wear glasses?" Duo piped up, almost amused. He was just deluding himself from the fact he knew Wufei was gone. Or so they all thought. "And who's that girl with pigtails? He didn't mention he had a sister. Maybe she's dead too or something. It wouldn't surprise me..."  
  
Heero was thinking his own thoughts, not listening at all. Duo found an envelope and and turned it over. Written on it was 'Sally' in Wufei's tidy handwriting. Gingerly, guiltily, he attempted to open it, but Heero snapped to attention that very moment.  
  
"Duo!" he ordered. "That box is private. It's Wufei's box, leave it alone."  
  
There was something bitter in Heero's voice, something quite threatening too. Duo reluctantly placed the letter and the photos back where they were and closed the lid. Then he closed up the backpack and shoved it aside, trying to think of something else to occupy himself. It stopped him from mourning. And worrying about his own future, the fact that no-one was invincible, even if you had been a Gundam pilot.  
  
Instantly, he perked up when another question entered his mind. "Heero, when you get older, you gonna get married? Like, be a proper man and stuff. With a job."  
  
"I have a job. This is our job." Why was Duo choosing now to ask a question like that? Now of all times.  
  
"No, I mean like a normal job. Like a normal person."  
  
"Duo, I am normal. I am a person."  
  
"No you're not," Duo protested resentfully. "You're the Perfect Soldier. And I'm Shinigami. That ain't normal, is it?"  
  
"Can't you just forget about all that?" Heero growled.  
  
He stood to his feet, picked up Wufei's bag and exited the room like an angry shadow, just as Quatre timidly entered. Tossing the blonde the bag, he gave his last orders; "Don't let Duo into Wufei's box."  
  
"What...what's the matter with Heero?" Quatre asked, sniffing as he set down the backpack. "He seems hurt. I mean, aside from that fact Wufei's gone."  
  
"I dunno," Duo shrugged as a few new tears trickled down the blonde's face. " We're all hurting, aren't we? All of us. These new lives we have now aren't real, we'll always be soldiers...we're just five fakes."  
  
Quatre sniffed again.  
  
"Make that four."  
  
TBC  
  
******  
  
A.N I hope things are getting a little clearer, next chapter there's gonna be more about the whole Wufei 'death' thing....it's kinda difficult typing it all and trying to stop it from getting too complicated. You see, there's so many little sub-plots whirling around I am aware sometimes it gets a bit confusing but I will manage to wrap everything up so there will be no loop-holes left floating around by the time I'm done!! Tell me what ya think, comments welcome. 


	8. *~Chapter 7~*

A.N Sorry to make you guys wait so long, I'm sure you'll pick it up as ya go along. (Basically in the last chap the pilots and Sally were told that Wufei had died of a blood clot caused by the accident) Here's an extra long chapter to make it up to ya, even though it's only long because I couldn't decide where to cut it off ^^;; I couldn't decide for the life of me on a name for the organisation I have mentioned in this chap....so I left it blank to fill in at a later date.  
  
The First To Fall By Ashy  
  
*~ Chapter 7 ~*  
  
"His records were confirmed last night, this is the Gundam Pilot 05, Wufei Chang. It's amazing those Preventers haven't closer tabs on their computer system. Hacking's easy if you know how," the wiry-haired gentleman chuckled.  
  
"You reckon his comrades are going to fall for this, Sir? This blood clot business? And there's only so much this new drug can do to keep his heartbeat down....."  
  
"Look here, you know what I am capable of, and you also know who I am, don't you?  
  
"Yes Sir. Head of the ______ Organisation."  
  
Julius looked at his selection of colleagues, clustered around Wufei's bedside. "Yes. And you also know what happens if you disobey your commander, don't you? I have waited so long for this oppurtunity, and it is obvious we have found the perfect candidate to execute our plans."  
  
"Could be risky, a Gundam pilot. Couldn't we just use a regular former-Oz soldier or something? They're much easier to come by. Not as much sneaking around Sir, not as much risk-"  
  
"Life's all about risks," came the husky reply. "And chances. It's all by chance this 'prize' dropped into our lap. MY lap. One day I'll have to personally thank that woman who so innocently made our plans possible. She'll take the blame, believe me. As head consultant here, I can do anything I like to the young man's records, I can even sign his life away."  
  
A small chuckle pierced the atmosphere, and the other men present found themselves sweating with doubt.  
  
"But Sir-" one spoke up, his eyes fixed on Wufei's inanimate form.  
  
"DON'T accuse me of doing something wrong," his master retorted, exasperated. "A former Oz soldier? We need someone with much more skill than that. I have planned this ever since I can remember, don't even think about doubting me now."  
  
"Sir, forgive me but if you don't mind me saying, I fear you think you have been a little too hasty in this manoeuvre - how will you convince his comrades?"  
  
"Have you so little faith in me?"  
  
"I think I speak for the group of us when I say we do not doubt you. But I don't think it is even beyond your knowledge that you- all of us, Sir are playing with fire here."  
  
Julius was silent. "If you're not with me, Carlos, you're against me. And we wouldn't want that, would we?....no. Unlike most of the innocent civilians on this island, you know who I am don't you? Behind my profession, you know who I am."  
  
"Yes, Sir."  
  
"And soon enough, Chang Wufei is going to know of it too."  
  
He snorted and pulled the bedclothes back over Wufei's sleeping face.  
  
****  
  
The door creaked painfully as Duo entered the small bedroom. He was sharing a room with Heero, but seeing as he didn't appear to be sleeping tonight, Duo sought some comfort in Quatre's company. Sally had left an hour ago for some 'fresh air' and still had not returned to the villa.  
  
Heero and Trowa remained in the lounge, rigid in opposite armchairs in a tense, strained silence. They had been this way ever since Heero had stormed away from Duo's presense earlier on that day. Not one of the four had eaten, and Duo felt the empty churning sensation in his stomach, yet he felt too sick and dazed to eat.  
  
Quatre's body lay huddled under his quilt, his muffled sobs barely audible. Duo couldn't bring himself to offer any words of comfort to his friend. It was just like Quatre to cry. Duo didn't particularly want to sleep, not mentally, but his body was exhausted and he felt it like a dull ache in his bones. Defeatedly, he crawled under his sheets and lay staring for a while at the ceiling. Cracks, lines, divisions.  
  
Eventually, Duo couldn't stand the silence any longer. "You...you okay, Quatre?" he ventured, knowing the answer. But not talking to anyone made him feel worse.  
  
"Mmm," was the blonde's reply, accompanied by more retching sobs. He wasn't okay. Far from it, in fact.  
  
Duo reached out his hand and pulled Wufei's backpack onto his bed. Quatre turned on hearing the noise, and now Duo could clearly see how the Arabian's face was wet and streaked. His lustrous eyes were sore and bloodshot.  
  
" What...are you doing with Wufei's bag?" Quatre choked out.  
  
"Holding it."  
  
Quatre wiped his eyes and watched as his companion wrapped his arms around the small backpack, cradling it close to his chest. "Duo...is it like....hugging him or something...?"  
  
"I guess. It's just a bag. But it makes me feel better," Duo answered in a small, strained voice. "Don't look at me like that, Quatre, I'm not weird, it's just - it just helps, okay?"  
  
Quatre nodded and turned away, too exhausted to cry anymore. He winced at the sound of Duo pulling down the zipper on the backpack. The braided teen delved into the bag, retrieving what his fingers ached for - the small engraved box. Pulling it out, he moved the bag aside and rolled onto his stomach, placing the box on the pillow in front of him. Quatre turned and sat up as the lid was wrenched open.  
  
"Duo....what are you doing now?"  
  
"Are you paranoid or something?" the American hissed back, then immediately felt a prick of guilt. The last thing he wanted to do was to upset Quatre further, his emotions were already delicate.  
  
"You've got Wufei's private box," Quatre replied, his voice cracking. "Leave it, Duo. Heero told you to leave it."  
  
Duo chose to ignore him. He so desperately wanted to read that letter. Slowly his fingers took hold of the folded piece of paper nestled inside the box. He flicked on the bedside lamp for better light to read in. His round violet eyes, oblivious to Quatre's anxious gaze, scanned over the words. Wufei's words to Sally. He'd obviously not given her the letter - it was dated weeks ago. Wufei's handwriting was agonisingly neat.  
  
Sally,  
  
I wanted to tell you in person to you what I have to say but as you well know, I often can't explain myself without becoming angry or rude. I doubt you would even want to listen, so that's the reason I wrote to you instead. Yes, I am aware it is cowardly to do so rather than face to face, but perhaps it might help me to write things down.  
  
I know that right now you don't think I value you, that you think people only use you when they're in times of trouble, because you're so calm, and sensible, and strong beyond any woman I have come across since Nataku. I'm am not sure if this is the real reason you seem to distant lately, perhaps there is something else which you are not willing to discuss with me- and I don't demand that you do. But I want you to know I respect you with everything inside of me. And this is all very well, but I feel now as if the plain respect has turned into something else and I am not sure what it is or why it is there.  
  
I want to apologise for my actions recently. I don't fully understand what it was which made me want to hold you and kiss you and do more things besides but I am truly sorry. I am glad you were angry with me because I realise it looked as if I was taking advantage. And I probably was, I should have stayed true to my sense of honour and virtue. I don't remember ever being this way over any woman before, not even my wife and I hate myself for it.  
  
I will try my hardest never to do such a thing again. I hope you won't despise me forever for it because you're right, perhaps I acted selfish and immature. But normal life beyond the battle is hard and confusing and I just don't know how to act. I didn't want this to turn into a grovelling sort of letter but I suppose it should be because I am dishonourable and undeserving of your friendship.  
  
I know these feelings I harbour are in some way wrong, but they're persistent and I find they only ever subside if I kiss you, that's why I do it. It's like an illness or something and it frightens me. I don't understand it, or how to control it. But if it continues, I will do the honourable thing and resign from my position in the Preventer Organisation.  
  
----- Wufei.  
  
Duo's jaw trembled and his scrunched the letter up in his palm, then flung it at the wall in a gesture of anger. Quatre sat bolt upright in bed, his expression of woe quickly replaced by shock.  
  
"Duo...that letter...what...what...was it?" he ventured, his voice quavering.  
  
"Nothin'. Just a load of crap," Duo snorted, his throat tightening. He arranged his face into a sneer, shaking with violent anger.  
  
"What....did it say," Quatre inquired. "Who was it to?"  
  
"Just Wufei writing a load of crap to Sally Po," Duo snarled, as his lip curled. "Saying he's got some illness that makes him want to kiss her. It's sick!  
  
"Duo. It's not- "  
  
"No! You're right- it's not Wufei's fault. Sally Po. She's the one who's sick, not him! What's she been doing to our Wufei to make him like this? All drippy and sappy and miserable? That cradle-robber- "  
  
"Stop!" Quatre commanded, his voice raising. "Insulting her won't help, Duo! It doesn't help things, it just winds you up! Shall I get Heero?"  
  
"What do I wanna talk to that robot for? Ya think he's gonna give me a hug, make everything all right? Make Wufei come back?"  
  
"Duo......stop it...."  
  
"......because we all know how Heero is the 'Perfect Soldier' the perfect person....just so multi-talented and...." Duo's words oozed sarcasm. But there was the distinct evidence of tears in his eyes.  
  
"I just meant-"  
  
"How come everyone thinks Heero can make everything right?" Duo growled, shielding his face from Quatre's view. "Call me jealous, but I just hate the way people think he's so flawless. If Heero was so cool and collected....why does he act so weird these days? I don't think he's perfect....far from it. I don't."  
  
"Weird? Of course he's acting weird.....our dear comrade Wufei has just passed away," the Arabian replied gravely. Quatre felt a sharp pain sear his heart once more when the situation was vocalised.  
  
"Anyway, Heero's nothing to do with Wufei's death, is he? It's Sally Po. Sally....man I thought she was so reliable, and good. What the hell was she doing playing tonsil tennis with Wufei?!" Duo frowned deeply. "Quatre, your heart's probably better, and purer than mine. You're better with heart stuff. So tell me, what was she doing? What was he doing....why did he think he was ill?"  
  
The young blonde man climbed out of his bed and padded softly to where the letter lay on the carpet. He knelt down and picked it up, smoothing it out over his knees. Once he'd read it, Quatre stood to his feet. His blond hair glowed eerily in the lamp light and his aqua eyes glistened with tears. "Duo - Wufei wasn't ill. It doesn't sound like he was ill at all. I think he...was in love with her - "  
  
"Love? With her? That's crap!" Duo protested once again. "She's older. And he once told me he didn't even like Sally Po and wished he could have worked alongside Zechs Marquise because he's strong and capable and not a woman...."  
  
"It's just like Wufei to say something like that," Quatre answered, clambering up onto Duo's bed and putting a soothing arm around his shoulders. "He never did like to admit to weakness. And when he said that, it was when you were teasing him about having a crush on Sally," he added, recalling.  
  
"I was joking back then," Duo said bitterly. "Of course I never thought Wufei would ever *really* feel those things for her. Sally was....I dunno....like a mom to him. To all of us in a way. I can't believe after all this time she was getting up to tricks with our comrade! I used to think it would be funny....but it's not. Do you see me laughing? Do you see me laughing?"  
  
"No..no Duo."  
  
The two of them sank against each other, weary from grieving. Duo slackened into Quatre's embrace. It felt strange having Quatre comfort him. He felt wretched, and frustrated at how Wufei's death could have affected him so badly.  
  
"Love her?" Duo whispered. "How does Wufei know what love feels like?"  
  
"He doesn't," Quatre answered softly, smoothing away a teardrop. "That's why he wrote the letter. He's all confused. If you think about it, all five of us have been trained in battle, but we've never been taught how to love. We can only find our own interpretations of it. But then again, that's how it is for everyone."  
  
"How is it that we're talking about Wu in the present tense? He's dead right?" Duo reminded Quatre, and also himself. It felt as if the whole thing just hadn't really registered in his mind.  
  
"I know. I know," the Arabian spoke up woefully. " But it's like I feel he's still with us. Still a part of us somehow."  
  
"You're being all poetic and sentimental," Duo replied, sighing. "What I wanna know is how could Wufei like women? It makes no sense. He never liked them, he always said they weren't worth the hassle."  
  
"And then he met Sally..."  
  
Duo shook his head defiantly. "I don't believe he loved Sally."  
  
"Well he kissed her," Quatre replied quietly. "It says in the letter."  
  
"I've kissed loads of girls," Duo retorted. "It didn't mean anything. Kisses aren't love."  
  
Quatre paused. "Have you ever kissed Hilde?" he asked timidly.  
  
"Have I heck!" Duo said defensively. "Hilde's a mate. That's all! I don't want anything to do with the love crap, look what it did to Wufei. Love and stuff - just complicates things."  
  
There was a break in conversation as Quatre reached in his pyjama shirt pocket for a tissue to wipe his eyes. Duo's nose was running and he passed him one too. Duo hastily, wiped his nose, embarrassed, and resumed his frustrated rambling.  
  
"Wufei - he was too young for Sally anyway," he declared. "She was just letting him experiment, you know - stringing him along and using him."  
  
"You...you don't know that, Duo," Quatre answered. He began to stare into space again, rocking backwards and forwards to comfort himself. "We don't know the half of it."  
  
"Doesn't matter. She's too old for him."  
  
"He's nineteen. He's not a kid anymore. None of us are. Not you or me, or Trowa or Heero."  
  
Duo buried his head in his hands and screwed his eyes tightly shut, imagining desperately that Never Never Land was a real place. A place where you Never Never grew up and held onto your childhood forever. A place where there was Never Never wars and soldiers and mobile suits. A place where the was Never Never romance which took away the essence of a friend's character, and above all, where there was Never Never death. He was afraid of death. Shinigami, the dauntless God of Death, was sick with fear. He couldn't share these thoughts with Quatre. He'd think he'd gone nuts. He probably had.  
  
"Yeah well she's twenty-three."  
  
"It's not that much of a gap."  
  
"It is! It's a bloody huge gap!"  
  
The braided pilot continued to curse, his expletives getting progressively more offending to his gentle friend.  
  
"Duo....please....it upsets me when you swear," the younger said, though Quatre had heard his fellow friend use much worse obscenities than this. He was impressed Duo had managed thus far to bite them back. Sometimes Quatre's proper upbringing conflicted with Duo's, though usually he made an effort to understand.  
  
"Lay off, Quatre. I need to, okay? Vent some anger, all the grief, all this stuff in my head."  
  
Quatre hugged his friend closer and stroked his braid with pale fingers. "You said you'd try not to swear because you knew Father Maxwell....and God didn't like it...."  
  
"I don't believe in God," Duo growled. "Not now. Maybe I used to. Or maybe I pretended to. But not now."  
  
Quatre sighed heavily. "But you said you were going to trust in God. You said just because you haven't had a childhood, it didn't mean you had to robbed of a future. It made us all feel better. Don't you want to believe Wufei is in Heaven?"  
  
"If God is real," Duo answered. "He wouldn't have let all that war happen. God's just like Santa Claus or the tooth fairy. A nice idea." He laughed bitterly and said, "After all, I am Shinigami, the God of Death and I do not fear it, I don't need God. I don't need a crutch to lean on. I'm not afraid of dying, Quatre."  
  
"I am, Duo, and whether it is something to be ashamed of I cannot say " the blonde answered. "Aren't you at least a little anxious? You are- I can sense it. And you're anxious about Wufei...where he is now.....Duo we all need something to lean on."  
  
"But if God cared about Wufei, He'd have never let this happen to him. If God really wanted Wufei to have a chance at life, a decent future, He'd have never let him meet Sally Po."  
  
"It's not Sally's fault." Quatre's voice was tired and weak.  
  
"It is! She killed him! Hitting him with jeep.....caused the blood clot. She killed our brother."  
  
Tears spilled down Duo's hot cheeks, unable to be contained for the sake of keeping up a macho facade. They rolled freely, as his nose began to run again.  
  
"I don't know," Quatre whispered, his face crumpling. Duo turned and tightened his arms around his blonde friend. Their lament lasted well into the early hours of the morning.  
  
"God," Duo cried, angrily, ashamed of his tears, seething at himself. "Do you hear me, God? Oh God why is he dead? Why or Wufei? Our brother?"  
  
His own tears dripped down Quatre's neck and soaked his collar. Duo could feel his companion's body shaking as he cried.  
  
"He's dead," Quatre murmured. "But...I can't feel it....I don't feel it....He's here somehow....I don't feel like he's gone."  
  
"Bring him back, God," was all Duo could utter. "Please God. I know I'm wrong, I'm evil....I'm Shinigami....But please.....I'll do anything...."  
  
****  
  
Sally was cold, inside and out. It was dark now, as she leaned over the wall, looking down into the sea. Once in a while, the water would spray her face, leaving it's salty taste on her lips. But she wanted to be on her own. Out here, where nobody knew her, where no-one could accuse her. Alone with her thoughts. Sally barely wanted to think in her current state about the last time she had allowed her thoughts to wander, however she knew she couldn't blank it once she'd closed her eyes.  
  
Zechs. Noin. Their wonderful wedding and promise of everlasting happiness. It had been a large affair, Lady Une had insisted it should be, and agreed to cover most of the expenses. It had been the first real event since the official end of the war that had brought some mirth to those who had previously been involved. Sally thought back on it with a bitter heart, at how the whole day hadn't lifted her spirits at all but dampened them.....  
  
She remembered how she had stood back then, in the evening, at the window of her hotel room, while the others were merrymaking below her. She stared out onto the grounds, noticing how even the trees had been decorated with lights. The whole building had been converted to some kind of a palace for Milliardo Peacecraft and his bride. Their wedding guests were staying in this hotel for the night, so their socialising could go on well into the early hours of the morning, while the two of them would leave for their honeymoon and go gallivanting 'off into the sunset'. And so it should be, as they were, after all, in love.  
  
Love? Sally had pressed her fingers and nose against the window pane and sighed deeply, not allowing herself to become reflective on the concept of love. Inside she felt terrible. How could she be so jealous of Noin? Lucrezia Noin deserved some prosperity in life, and she had found romance and happiness in Zechs. She had found a man who loved her regardless of everything that had happened between them. Despite his initial doubts about his worthiness, he cherished her, it was obvious by the expression in his eyes when he recited the wedding vows.  
  
Sally felt a small yet significant sting at the thought of how she was cherished by no-one. Her entire existence was to be a helping hand, an aide in bad times, she felt. Sally had always convinced herself she should be strong and refuse to feel sorry for herself, despite feeling so hurtfully taken for granted. Her cheerful disposition, and the way she threw herself into her tasks allowed her to follow this through.  
  
Wufei. He was her major and most favourite task. Working alongside him gave Sally a sense of purpose, putting her efforts into helping the stern Chinese youth loosen up a little and have a less strict approach to life. She knew he had his friends, but being a maternal figure to him helped her ease her own pain, the pain of feeling undervalued. She had never considered he may one day resent this.  
  
The door creaked at that moment and a figure emerged from behind, breaking her moment of tense solidity.  
  
Chang Wufei eased himself rather hesitantly into the room, and immediately his eyes fell upon the woman by the window, tawny hair combed backwards in lustrous waves. Her posture was awkward, probably brought on by the form fitting halter-necked dress she was wearing. Sally didn't like to be dressed up, it didn't suit her, she had once said. Perhaps this was why she had appeared so reserved during the wedding.  
  
Wufei cleared his throat to get her attention. As expected, Sally turned her gaze to him and he immediately noticed how her manner was so cheerless.  
  
"Were you bored of the party, Wufei?" she asked him quietly.  
  
"Yes, I came to this wedding as it was my duty," he replied simply. "I'd have thought you would be down there with everyone else, not hidden in here by yourself."  
  
Sally turned away for a moment. "Were you looking for me?"  
  
The Chinese youth shifted his weight uncomfortably. " Um...I was just...concerned, if that's the right word."  
  
Sally watched how he controlled himself. He stood rigidly before her, looking as if he felt as out of place in a suit as she did in a gown. Nevertheless, there was something quite charming about Wufei. She'd always thought this but more so tonight. Slowly, he walked towards her until they were eye level with each other.  
  
"You're sad, I can tell," he stated blankly. It was a statement, there was no warmth in his voice. Perhaps he thought her weak.  
  
"No, I'm not sad, Wufei- ," she tried to protest. Yet her face showed something different. It was so obvious how miserable she was and through his clear almond eyes, Wufei could see it entirely.  
  
He sighed and his face softened gently. "I'm...not too good with words...if I held you, would that make it better? Just for a little while?"  
  
Sally stiffened. Hold her? She didn't need comfort from any man. Least of all him. How weak must she really be if even Chang Wufei was willing to comfort her?  
  
"It's...okay. I don't need that, Wufei."  
  
He placed his hands behind his back and nodded solemnly. "I thought women needed things such as that, that's all," he uttered quietly.  
  
"I don't need it."  
  
Sally turned back to the window, wondering when he would depart. Did she want him to leave her? He was stood like a statue, she could feel his presence behind her. She was being stubborn, she knew. But she had to be. She couldn't lose herself another time.  
  
Wufei twitched a little. Was he supposed to go now? Feeling slightly childish, he turned and made a move for the door. He wasn't in the business of pursuing such things. It was the fickle nature of women that so irritated him.  
  
"Wu- hold on a minute," Sally spoke up. "I didn't mean to sound rude - "  
  
"You didn't. Truth be told, I don't really need you either. It's strange how humans feel the need to depend on one another so much."  
  
"You....don't need me?" Sally whispered, feeling a chill clamp her heart. "Explain yourself, Wufei."  
  
He faced her, standing tensely. "You've put a lot of good things into me, Sally Po," he answered. "But there's only so much one can do with words of wisdom. I have to find my own way. So in a sense, what you have to offer, I don't need anymore. I feel these days rather like an equal to you as opposed to your pupil."  
  
Sally could have never estimated how much these words would tear at her soul, how they would rip her apart inside, yet she retained her composure. He didn't need her? She should have guessed it. She should have estimated one day, he'd reject her nurturing. But why now? Why now when she was already feeling so alone?  
  
The woman gulped. What would she have left in this wretched world if even Wufei saw her of no use anymore? He was just like all the others, needing her for a short while, then dismissing her when she could be of no more help. Because help meant weakness.  
  
"So, you don't want me, then?" Sally spoke up in a hushed tone.  
  
"Woman," he murmured, almost affectionately, which surprised her. He stepped towards her. "I don't need your teaching, that doesn't mean I don't want you."  
  
"I don't understand, Wufei."  
  
He was standing so close to her she could feel his breath tickling her face. Only once before had she felt this. It had not been a passionate encounter, just a simple kiss. It must have been at least a year ago. Wufei remembered it still; just before the five were about to depart for their college, Trowa and Heero some way down the knoll engaging in deep and serious conversation. Quatre and Duo were giggling like schoolboys in a phone box as Duo made prank phone calls to Hilde. It was a lighter moment in their lives.  
  
Wufei had been perched beside Sally in the back of a trailer, a tight hold on his belongings. He had noticed her watching the other boys with amusement, a glow of affection in her eyes, their colour reflecting the blue of the sky. He had watched her face with a sudden, uncanny fascination. And for no conceivable reason, spurred by the heat, he had leaned forward and touched his lips against hers. Only for a second, and should she have blinked, she might have missed it. But she didn't blink. Neither did she address it afterwards. Wufei had since wondered why. They never spoke of it since, either.  
  
Right now, he was sure she must be recalling it, though. She was recalling something, at least. Maybe it wasn't that exactly. Her eyes were questioning, and almost begging for him just to desire her guidance and nothing more. Yet at the same time, the woman made no effort to remove herself from his presence.  
  
"Sally," he whispered and found no words to accompany it.  
  
He reached and took hold of one of her hands and pulled her nearer. It surprised her just how gentle he could really be, he wasn't so cold and aloof as she had first perceived. But she'd always known that, she realised.  
  
Their faces were so close now. The young Chinese man was unsure of what was urging him to do this, but at this moment, all he wanted to do was to be near her like never before. Was this weak to feel this way? Were these feelings indecent? Anyhow, they concerned him but it wasn't enough to make him walk away.  
  
His onyx eyes gazed at her lips for a short while, listening to her breathing intently. She hadn't pushed him away before, he wasn't sure whether she might do so now. Hesitantly, he tilted his head and pushed it into the warmth of her face, forcing his lips against hers. Not waiting for her response, he pried her mouth open slightly with his, as if she were a form of refuge. Sally didn't attempt to break away, she simply closed her eyes and squeezed her hands over his hard shoulders, pushing against him. A part of her wanted it this way. She'd always been intrigued by him, he was older now, attractive and it was......right?  
  
Wufei moved her into his arms, though his thoughts were not on what he was doing, but why he was doing it. Meiran. Had he ever shared this intimacy with her? He remembered holding her, he had had to learn to be close to her. Marriage had required it.  
  
But this was not so with Sally. He hadn't had to teach himself to want her so near. He'd never felt it as strongly as he had today. Should it be hormones, or meaningless passion, he didn't know. Was it just a craving for affection? Wufei didn't think affection was something he relied upon, as a rule he needed nobody. Yet why on earth was he doing this, and to further the questions knotting his mind, why was she letting him? Maybe it was something he needed to do, to prove to himself he didn't require her coddling. Perhaps.  
  
The knots continued and tightened painfully in his brain as he felt her arms wrap around his neck, and he kissed her harder until it wearied the two of them and their teeth began to clash and they gasped for breath.  
  
"Wufei," she murmured, her nose touching his. "Gentle. That's the way."  
  
He took heed, aware of how her body fit against him so differently to the way Meiran's had. It felt weird, doing this, like being married or something. Properly. How his marriage should have been. If he'd have loved her. But had he loved Meiran? Or not? And did he love Sally? He pondered on these questions as he watched the lamplight dance on her skin.  
  
Sally debated heavily on her purpose now. Was this her only way to be close to him, no more talks, discussions, light-hearted arguments. If this was all Wufei needed her for- someone to practise adulthood on - then so be it, she decided bitterly. She'd wasted herself once, why not a second time?  
  
She pushed her face against his neck and sniffed the intoxicating scent of his aftershave. It was alarmingly strange - she wanted him so badly, so deeply, yet at the same time she didn't want him at all. Because he was young, trained for war but not for life. That boyish innocence she sensed at the core of him - in all the pilots - would be lost to her and it broke her heart to imagine it. She couldn't let another fall. Not the one she really loved. NO. She just couldn't. Not like this -  
  
"Stop it! What do you think you're doing?" she demanded suddenly, giving the youth a forceful shove.  
  
Wufei stumbled a few paces backwards, blinking, too taken aback to react with indignation.  
  
"I thought you were honourable, Wufei," Sally said, breathless and glaring.  
  
"I only kissed you....," he answered in a low voice. Her mood had shifted so hastily it startled him.  
  
"Yeah well I'm too old for you. So back off."  
  
"Are you calling me a child?" He glowered.  
  
Sally snapped, "Don't you ever try to take advantage of me like that! I'm never going to let this happen again! You understand? I'm not just some piece of trash you can pick up and drop whenever you feel like."  
  
Wufei's eyes widened and Sally could feel them boring into her soul. He glanced away. "I wasn't taking advantage...I did nothing wrong. Keep your voice down, Woman."  
  
"Why should I, Wufei?" Sally continued in the same pitch. "To save your dignity? To put people under the illusion you're a man of integrity? I'm not Meiran, you've made no commitment to me...but that's just perfect isn't it?"  
  
The Chinese man didn't offer any challenge, or form of justification which surprised Sally. He kept his eyes on his feet, which told her somewhere in his heart, he was hurtfully confused. He wished he hadn't have told her about his wife.  
  
"You don't want commitment, do you?" Sally continued. "Not to me, not to your friends, not to anyone. You're just selfish, Wufei. You're only ever out for yourself and what you can gain. Be it a new perception, or some new words to add to your vocabulary."  
  
"You're not my mother! Don't speak to me in that tone...Woman..." Wufei responded, bristling by the second. Why did he deserve such a lecture? He'd done absolutely nothing but kiss her. Nothing wrong at all! What was WRONG with her?  
  
"I'll talk to you how I damn well please," she snapped back. " And you're right, I AM a woman and you - you're just a naive, idealistic kid!"  
  
And then she burst into tears. Not loudly, like some women might, but enough to daunt Wufei, though he didn't offer any form of comfort. He felt rather like a wounded animal, yet his expression defied this.  
  
Sally blinked through her tears, sighing. "I apologise, Wufei- maybe you don't have the same mind-set as you did during the war. Only you know that. But you are a kid. I wish it didn't have to be that way."  
  
"It doesn't," he answered through clenched teeth.  
  
She was still sobbing, her mascara muddy. "Yes it does. I'm afraid it does. And what am I supposed to do now? What am I good for? You just tried to use me like everyone else does. And when things look okay, you'll move on."  
  
"Is this...is this because I said I didn't need your help?" he replied quietly, lifting his gaze to her tearful eyes. He glimpsed deep hurt in their depths and refused to acknowledge the sting he felt inside.  
  
"You need all the help you can get," Sally shot back, becoming angry again. "Because you're not ready for any relationship. You're just immature if you think you can use a woman! You don't even love me. And you don't even want to. You don't know this first thing about love. Because all you want is yourself. Now promise me you'll never kiss me again! Promise! Now!"  
  
There was definitely something wrong, he thought. She wasn't acting herself at all.  
  
Wufei nodded his agreement, pacing towards the door. He placed his hand on the door handle and turned, his black eyes glittering. "Sally, you're right, I don't know love. I don't know at all. But do you? Are you in any position to help me?"  
  
Sally shook her head. " No, Wufei, so I can't even tell you. You have to find it yourself. That's if you even want to."  
  
He closed the door gently behind him as he left her. Sally turned back to the window. In the pit of her gut hung a heavy weight and a deep ache settled inside her heart. She would have to be gentler on Wufei, it wasn't his fault, she'd thought. He made mistakes, yet so did she....  
  
Yes, perhaps they both were searching for answers. And this wasn't the only occasion they'd searched in the month between the accident and the night of the wedding she'd remembered just then. He'd kissed her since, somehow unable to help himself. She'd surrendered to it for a little while, then each time admonished him as if this wasn't what she wanted. And yet she did want it, she knew she did....she always came back for more. And once again, she would angrily explode on him....like she'd done in the jeep. And she knew what was holding her back. The child of hers, the seed that had been planted inside of her, that should never have been there.  
  
She was older, she should have been more responsible, shouldn't have pulled Wufei in then pushed him away without warning. She had been toying with a young man's emotions, though not deliberately so. Perhaps she was to blame entirely. But she had to push him away, she just had to, or else he might make the same fatal mistake as the other she cared for. As his perfect companion. And she never wanted this as long as she lived.  
  
Months later now, looking out on the black expanse of the sea, she knew neither would ever know the answers. Sally would never know whether Wufei ever really wanted to love her as he was gone. Dead. Whisked from her life. She wondered at this moment if death by heartbreak was really something that only happened in fairytales.  
  
****  
  
It was early morning by the time Sally reluctantly made her way back to the villa. To her surprise, outside the door, stood a surly looking police officer, conversing with Heero. Another, younger officer was stood slightly behind him. She wandered a little nearer, unsure of what was going on. A part of her hardly cared. She noticed Trowa, Duo and Quatre hovering behind their comrade tensely.  
  
"Young man, I am not here to argue with you, I am simply asking for the woman I trust is residing here."  
  
The officer's voice held the typical accent of the area. Heero seemed to be uncooperative. His prussian blue eyes stared coldly into the man's face. " I don't know where she is. She left late last night and has not returned. We can't help you."  
  
The older officer seemed slightly irritable. "Look here son, we've had nothing but harmony on this island for at least a year. We get the odd event such as a drunken brawl, but nothing like this. I am asking for your help. Aren't you four supposed to be Preventer agents? Well you're not doing much of a job are you? Hiding that lady for us. We need to find her....this isn't a game, this could be murder..."  
  
Murder? Sally froze and she felt a knot grip her stomach. They were accusing her of murdering Wufei. Was that why the officers were here? It couldn't be.  
  
Gulping, she broke the bitter silence and stepped towards the door. The policemen turned as she advanced.  
  
"Who are you?" the first demanded, as the willowy woman approached him.  
  
"Sally," she answered calmly.  
  
"Sally Po? The one who was involved with that Chinese guy....Wufei Chang. Your colleague. The one who's dead?"  
  
Dead. The word seared through her, but she lowered her head and nodded. "Yes."  
  
"You've been wandering outside all night, this young man tells me," the elder said, gesturing to Heero. "You can tell, too. You look a fate worse that death - if you'll excuse the pun."  
  
His colleague chuckled under his breath. Did this man think he was somehow funny? Did they really think she was evil? Sally glanced round and caught a glimpse of each of the four faces behind the door. Heero was glaring, regarding the officers resentfully. Trowa's face remained impassive though his emerald eyes were cast harshly upon the two older men. Quatre stared straight ahead, ignoring what was going on around him, shivering despite the heat, whilst Duo had his eyes fixed on Sally. Dark, brooding and full of hurt.  
  
The older officer coughed. "Well, I see we're getting somewhere now. By the way, I am Officer Invorra. This here is Officer Sanchez. We need to ask a few questions of you, Sally Po."  
  
Sally nodded, rubbing her tired eyes. The four pilots who were obstructing the doorway stood aside as the policemen made their way into the villa. Sally followed and they seated themselves in the lounge, opposite her.  
  
"If you don't mind, could we have a few moments alone with this woman?"  
  
The four young men nodded and sullenly made their way outside. Invorra turned to Sally, pen and paper in hand. Once out of earshot of the others, namely Heero, all pleasantry escaped him.  
  
"We had a call at the station from the infirmary late last night. Apparently, a young Chinese man - a Preventer died earlier that day," the officer explained harshly. "Dr Julius, the man we spoke to, said Mr Chang was in a serious condition, one they hadn't quite realised when he was admitted. He also told me the accident could have happened under suspicious circumstances..."  
  
Sally felt light-headed, and should she have eaten breakfast, she was sure it would have been brought up at this moment in time. Her stomach was lurching and her hands clammy. She could barely focus on his words.  
  
"You, woman - are you listening to me?"  
  
"Yes, Wufei."  
  
"Pardon me but my name is Officer Invorra."  
  
"And my name is Sally."  
  
"I know what your name is," he retorted. "You listen now! I want you to tell me EXACTLY what happened on Sunday the 17th of May, the day Preventer Wufei Chang was admitted to hospital."  
  
Sally glanced down at the floor. What had happened? A part of her felt as if perhaps she should be punished, after all, if she had not abandoned Wufei, they could have dealt with the problems with their vehicle together, and he would still be with her now.  
  
Invorra was impatient. Sanchez smirked. "Thought of a decent excuse yet?"  
  
Sally shook her head, her jaw trembling, tears threatening to spill. "Nothing....nothing happened...."  
  
"I find that hard to believe!" Invorra snorted. "Young Mr Chang suffers a stroke related to his head injuries, and dies before he had even reached twenty years of age. You told the hospital you had knocked him over with the jeep. You told them there was a fault with the vehicle you were driving. Perhaps they were willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, but the kid's dead now. Death, it changes everything."  
  
Sally wondered why suddenly this Dr.Julius wanted the police on her case so hastily.  
  
The room was spinning then, Sally was sure of it. "The jeep....there was a fault."  
  
"But that doesn't explain how Mr Chang, who should have been inside the jeep, managed to be mowed down from behind, does it?"  
  
"He...he wasn't inside."  
  
"We know that, young lady. Dr Julius said his injuries were caused by a vehicle which had struck him from a distance. So don't go telling us he was 'just checking the wheels' or nothing like that. And that doesn't explain how the jeep just drove itself into him, does it?"  
  
How could Sally tell him the real reason Wufei had gotten out of the jeep? That she had forced him out. Sally herself couldn't explain why the vehicle had lurched out of her control and it was not a convincing argument.  
  
"I was reversing and it...just went out of my control...maybe something up with the accelerator," she answered weakly. "I don't know why. These things just happen sometimes, don't they?"  
  
"Yeah, when you're trying to save your ass," the officer retorted. "This looks very suspicious to me, Ms Po. Very suspicious, in fact."  
  
Sally clenched her jaw. There was nothing she could say or do which would convince these men otherwise. They'd obviously prematurely made up their minds she was guilty.  
  
"Well," she answered. "I expect the faulty jeep was towed back to the hiring garage in this town where I got it from. My signature will be there next to the registration of the jeep loaned. You can trace the jeep and investigate on it...look for a fault. Surely mechanics there will know, won't they?"  
  
"Ah..yes, we're getting to that," Officer Invorra stated smugly. "Late last night, the very same night since you found Preventer Chang had passed away from the accident induced injuries...the garage was gutted with flames. Completely. Burnt out all the vehicles in there and any hiring records, or records of faults with any of the vehicles."  
  
"So...?"  
  
"So somebody has tried to hide any evidence the police might use, haven't they? That in fact, there was nothing WRONG with the vehicle at all."  
  
"Ever heard of a coincidence?" Sally snapped.  
  
"Yeah...and have you ever heard of C.C.T.V?" Sanchez retorted. "A camera on the building nearby caught sight of a suspicious figure...more likely to be a woman...retreating from the flames. Masked and disguised of course."  
  
"So are you trying to say I plotted to burn the garage down? Myself? To hide the evidence?" Sally almost spluttered, though managing to remain as self-composed as she could. "And just how would I do that?"  
  
Invorra cut in: "Can I ask you a question? Where were you last night, Miss Po? Out and about? Not here in this villa, that can be confirmed. So what does that tell us?"  
  
Sally growled. "I cannot believe you'd jump to such ridiculous conclusions!"  
  
Officer Invorra hadn't finished yet; "We understand you are a member of the Preventers - we got in contact with the head - Chief Une. She expressed great shock at our decision to hold you here in custody..."  
  
Sally's eyes snapped to his. They were dark orbs, compassionless. "Custody?" she breathed.  
  
"Yes, Ms Po," Officer Sanchez spoke up. "We are arresting you in connection with the death of Wufei Chang. Anything you do or say may be used against you."  
  
"In other words, keep your mouth shut," Invorra warned, his eyes glinting. He was enjoying this, Sally could tell.  
  
"I...I'd never....never...harm Wufei," the woman protested, feeling rather like a cat cornered by two rabid dogs. " You...you have it wrong...you can't arrest me...I have a duty as a Preventer agent."  
  
"And we have duties as members of the island police force," Sanchez argued. "Chief Une presented the argument that you are a respectable person who is even-tempered and certainly has no history of aggression or mental instability. Would you agree, Ms Po?"  
  
Sally was silent. She didn't know her own self at this moment.  
  
"But," interjected Officer Invorra, "We got hold of a copy of your official records from Chief Une, who wasn't particularly co-operative at first over the phone, probably trying to protect your name. She e-mailed them to us. They informed us you were once a member of a resistance group before joining the Preventers, but before that, you were a Major with the Alliance, were you not?"  
  
Sally nodded. She couldn't very well lie.  
  
"Tut, tut," Invorra mocked. "So you certainly have a history of involvement in war and violence."  
  
"But it was for good! " Sally answered, not about to let them crush her.  
  
"The UESA? Good? I don't think so."  
  
"Not the Alliance, my work since then."  
  
"Yeah yeah," Sanchez interjected. "But what we're getting at is - if you have been in trained in the military - mobile suits, heavy artillery and the like - a simple act like killing a person with a jeep is childsplay. You've been trained to take lives."  
  
"No! You're wrong!" Sally stated, inwardly pleading with these men. "I have been trained to fight, and no doubt wars involve deaths. No-one can dispute that. But that does not mean I condone it. I fought for peace, you can't use my previous history as evidence in this case."  
  
"Don't tell us how to do our job, Ms Po," Invorra answered, his voice dangerously low.  
  
"You don't even know I have a motive," Sally sneered, undaunted. These men did not want justice in this situation, they wanted something new and 'exciting' to interest them in their otherwise mediocre lives. "There is no reason for me to do such a thing like kill my colleague, is there?"  
  
"You tell us. That's what we're going to investigate, but for now, we'll be holding you in the basement of the island station. For safe keeping."  
  
Sally winced as Officer Sanchez rose and clamped the cold handcuffs around her wrists, forcing them painfully behind her back. He noticed the bandages tied around them. Then he said something to his colleague in their own tongue.  
  
"Well well well, a nice selection of fresh scratches and scrapes on these wrists of yours," Invorra stated, removing the material and holding up one of the woman's arms for his partner to view. "Suicide? Mental instability? This doesn't look good, Sally Po. Not good at all."  
  
From then on, everything was a blur. Sally barely noticed the youths' responses as the two police officers marched her outside to a waiting truck. It wasn't the manhandling that got to her, she was used to mens rough treatment - it was the piercing of her dignity. The wound would be slow to heal, she feared. But she did not cry. No, she would never cry for them. Never.  
  
"It's not right, it's not right," Quatre gasped suddenly, gripping his head, tufts of flaxen hair twisted round his fingers. "It's not how it should be, it's not. I can feel it. There's something wrong."  
  
"Get a grip, Quatre," Duo insisted, jabbing him in the side with an elbow. "The police are checking this out. We're gonna get justice for Wu's death."  
  
"Trowa," Heero whispered as the truck disappeared down the dirt road, clouds of dust tailing behind it.  
  
"What is it, Heero?" the auburn haired boy asked solemnly.  
  
"I'm not satisfied this is what Wufei would call justice. Quatre's right. I can sense it too," Heero admitted. "I wish to remain here with Sally. Killing a Preventer is a serious offence, you know how precious these agents are to our society nowadays. She won't be allowed bail."  
  
Quatre was shuddering now and beads of sweat were emerging on his forehead, dampening his bangs. Trowa reached to steady him as his balance wavered.  
  
"You can't stay, Heero, what about Wufei's funeral?" Duo inquired, becoming slightly distressed at Quatre's behaviour. "We're supposed to be leaving this place in a couple of days so we can bring the casket back to the Preventers for the ceremony."  
  
Heero brushed a hand over his forehead. "That is so," he replied. "But I will return. And I shall be informing Lady Une that this is a mission I have assigned myself on."  
  
"I don't see what's so wrong," Duo replied. "We heard those cops as we were listening through the door - it seems so obvious Sally was to blame. She couldn't even justify herself."  
  
Quatre and Trowa turned, surprised that Duo was suddenly thinking of blaming Sally after all.  
  
"You don't know Sally Po as I do," Heero answered calmly, yet slightly bitterly. "I am not saying she wasn't a part of the accident. It's more to do with her dealings with Wufei which I am interested in."  
  
Duo and Quatre felt themselves flush in turn. Both knew they had read Wufei's letter to Sally, though neither would dare admit to the other two they had done what Heero had forbidden.  
  
"It may be best if Duo and Quatre stay at the headquarters once we have returned," Trowa spoke up after a tense pause. " I'll accompany you, Heero on your mission back here."  
  
Both stoic young men reached a mutual agreement that this would be best. Duo and Quatre's thoughts had turned to the funeral held once they'd returned. It would be a difficult, if not emotional occasion for them all. Emotions didn't have to show themselves, but they existed. And since the war, the old wounds of death and misery would be opened up again for all previously involved.  
  
"C'mon, Quatre," Duo sighed angrily, taking his friend by the shoulders and guiding him back into the villa. "Let's leave the serious stuff to those two. At least we'll be the ones mourning for Wufei and not for Sally Po."  
  
Heero knew he owed it to Sally to help her out of this dilemma. And he owed it to Wufei. Perhaps it could be his only way of saying sorry, as if it might make up for what he did which seemed like so long ago now.  
  
************  
  
TBC 


End file.
